Luna
by cici.mel1978
Summary: There's a bounty on Bella's head and years later she's still in love with the man she didn't choose while wondering did she make the right choice.. She thought as years went on things would get easier, but now she's a bounty hunter's target, she's jealous of her own daughter, and another round of high school isn't as glamorous as she thought it would be.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. I would also like to thank my beta reader. This is my first story so constructive criticism is welcomed!

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><p>I couldn't help but stare at the ceiling while laying on the bed, doing the most mundane yet miniscule thing I could think of. I, Bella Sw-Cullen, was counting the tiles on the ceiling and the specks on each one….<p>

**Out**. **Of**. **Boredom**.

My mind had emphasized each word for me in its own bold print.

I'm not even sure when it first started, the moment where being a vampire just didn't seem worth it. Perhaps it was sometime after the bliss was gone. Or maybe during a quiet moment with my husband when I couldn't think of one thing to talk about.

Not one thing.

I had everything that I wanted, how hard could it be to just start a conversation? When did it become so hard? Jake and I…

I couldn't go there because I already knew where that road would lead. Another fight. Another argument. Another look that says_ "I told you so by your ex best friend" _My mind loved to remind me of that. What I wouldn't give for just a few moments to close my eyes, sleep and have the thoughts disappear just for a little while. I honestly missed just sleeping. Regardless of how soft the sheets were – be it designed in some fancy country by a designer whose name I couldn't pronounce yet - Edward told me in a few centuries it wouldn't matter anyway.

I don't know why that bothered me. Forever seemed perfect but now…

Now what?

Maybe it was the boredom over the fact that there was a subject that I had to retake in school where they had miscalculated. Edward wanted to sue and Alice wanted to come up with some elaborate scheme. She said she even saw it working but seeing as though I would one day have to repeat classes anyway, I thought I might as well get started and actually do it.

_Why didn't anyone tell me just how boring it is?_ I knew this. I knew that. What was the point I was making again? And I would honestly have to start high school over again?

_Doesn't sound so great now does it?_ My mind asked, to which I inwardly growled. Between Jake's and Rose's looks of _I told you so_, that was enough without my mind agreeing with me too.

"Might as well get up..." I couldn't help the unnecessary sigh. I was beyond frustrated, just because I couldn't sleep and now, at the mirror, I wasn't even impressed at what I was looking at anymore.

I was perfect. No brush needed, no bath, no real need to get ready. My brown curls were framing my face perfectly as though I never laid down at all. No makeup needed nor any touching up was required. I was perfect. A year ago, this still amazed me. Now, it just reminded me of all the things I gave up and the little things that I wouldn't mind doing.

So what did I do?

I brushed my teeth.

"Love…what are you doing?"

I could hear the tone in Edward's voice before he was even close to me, before that velvet tone would have me melting. Now it was just a voice.

_Unlike Jake's who still has an effect on you_, my mind spoke out, making me brush my teeth harder as though I could wipe it all away. The venom included.

"Brushing my teeth" I spit out the toothpaste and ignored the sick feeling from the slight bit of paste that I swallowed.

"Bella you realize that is not needed and you may make yourself sick."

It was hard but I held back the comeback that was forming, as I clenched my teeth together. I tried to wash my mouth out with water, which only made it worse, but still I stood tall ….or as tall as I could at my small height to stare back at my husband.

This seemed to be the norm for us now. Me trying to do or hold on to those little things that made me human or at least feel that way again. Him reminding me that I couldn't. Even with the truth behind his words, I still wanted to rebel. Yet my body made the choice for me quickly and on Edward's shoes.

"Edward..." I was about to apologize as the smell of vomit made me cover my nose and mouth.

"I tell you these things for your own good Bella", he interrupted which made me go quiet instantly. He went to change and clean up as I watched while saying nothing at all. I know he was taking my quiet as me giving up on the subject, but inside I was seething.

_I'M A VAMPIRE NOW!_ I wanted to scream at him while also reminding him that I was now on his level and his equal. Yet, I also wanted to scream at him that he didn't need to protect me from myself anymore or whatever other ideas he had in his mind. But I was trying to pick and choose our battles, we already been having them a lot lately.

Perhaps it was bad that now his mouth was moving and I was honestly tuning it all out in favor of imagining him being thrown out of a window by my self. A bit overboard but at the moment, I honestly cared less.

"Bella are you listening?"

"Hmm?" Okay so maybe tuning out was not the best option to do. "Of course Edward." Funny that I agreed with no clue to what I was agreeing to, but it was one less argument to have.

I gave him a smile, and he rewarded me with a kiss. I honestly felt as though it was a reward more than anything, because he looked way too pleased at my answer. It was nothing but perfect and I honestly hated it now.

"So will you be going now?" he asked while looking as though he was about to leave.

What is he talking about? I was trying hard to hide the look of confusion on my face. Over the years, either I become a better liar or Edward still had trouble figuring me out. I wanted to believe it was the first one more than the other.

My mind started up again._ Why? Because Jake would have known and called you out on it?_

I tried to inwardly growl but I must have given off my frustration because Edward looked perplexed a moment then as though he understood my issue. Did he? That was a fear of mine and another reason I didn't dare lift my shield.

"I know things have been strained between you and Jake."

Oh God…where was he going with this? What in all that is crunchy did I miss in my inner musings and tuning out?

"But with how things will one day progress…"

No. No. NO. I refuse. I refuse to discuss it. I refuse to acknowledge it any more than I have to. I didn't want to even think about it if I could escape it. But of course, I can't have that. Why would I be able to? I, Bella Cullen, just had to have it all and I got it in one sweet sickening package that I now felt was disgusting in the way that Edward could be fine with it.

He was fine with it while I could barely manage to come to terms with it for any extended period.

"For Renesmee's benefit, I feel it would be best if you and Jake stabilize your friendship. It would be in the best interest of both parties of course. In the long run it will make things easier for her when the time comes."

He did not…just…

He was honesty telling me to fix the broken pieces of a dead friendship to make it easier on everyone? On _who_? Who exactly would benefit from this? Had anyone seen Jake lately, because I hadn't. I saw a shell. The once sunny boy that I knew was gone, and in its place was this brooding man who had built up tension and a wall every time we were in a room alone with each other. All the easiness was gone along with Jake 'n Bells.

I don't know what hurt more. The way all that was gone, or the amount of time he spent with my daughter and her being the only one who could make him smile. Sadly that smile was nowhere near the one he used to give me.

I broke him. I couldn't even deny it if I tried. Yet here my husband was in a bathroom with me, worried about appearances and making things run smoothly as though it was a business plan and not a failed relationship. But what argument could I even make?

No, thanks Edward, I broke him enough. No, thanks Edward, why don't I just rub it in his face more that he has my daughter as some consolation prize? Wait…

I took a good look at Edward right then.

He gave off a crooked smile while his fingers touched my cheek "I wish I knew what was going on in that mind of yours."

No Edward you don't. You really, really don't.

"I'm going to go eat." It was an escape, but I knew Edward wouldn't know it. He still saw me as a puzzle to figure out.

"Good. I will let Jake know. I'm glad you realized that I am only looking out for your best interests, love."

He looked relieved, and it was starting to click in my head what exactly he had wanted me to do.

He actually wants me to hunt with Jake to bond. Jake who hated vampires still. Jake who disliked the whole vamping out thing. Jake who once looked at me after a hunt and I swore I saw disgust. I wanted to cry that day ,even more knowing that I couldn't.

Suddenly, I didn't want to go and the window was slowly starting to say _Do it. Do it. Just one little shove._ I half expected Jessica to appear, telling me all the cool kids were doing it.

_You know you want to. Peer pressure. Peer pressure. _Ignoring the urge, I decided to just let it go.

I would not fight him today. I would not argue. Instead, I took off running out the house, a blink to any normal eye but I knew he would do as he said and soon I would have Jake nearby. He could say no to Edward, but inwardly I knew if Edward wished for something to happen he would make sure of it. I grimaced and started to think of that window again even with the trees I was passing and with me no longer near it.

_I shouldn't be thinking this way._ I thought to myself while sitting at the base of a tree. I could see it all, and hear the sounds of wildlife. The life around me, the vibrant colors of nature stood out even more but thoughts of earlier hit me and I couldn't help it as my mind ranted.

It's not his fault that perfection was becoming more and more enemy number one. It wasn't his fault that I couldn't enjoy the normal mom moments, and it felt like if I blinked I missed months of my daughter's life.

A memory hit me of wanting to teach her to ride a bike, and how I learned a couple of things. I had done all the preparations before Rose could take over, or Jake took up her time. I researched online and talked to other mothers. That part made me wince. They all had so much to talk about when it came to all their kids had done. Their memories of simple little things like falling and helping them to stand, what formula they used to use, and even how some were dealing with the first day of school jitters.

Renesmee was approaching her second birthday and already looked like she was around eight years old but my daughter never once tripped. That bothered me, but still I researched. I wanted that one memory. That one thing that I taught her that signified every kid. In my head, riding a bike had become a rite of passage.

Yet the day came and it was nothing like I imagined. One, she took to riding without lesson at all. Two, she lost interest and preferred something more mature. Three, she would never be just a kid.

I gave birth and that was it. I started to hold myself as that familiar ache that I would always get came. Why didn't I feel complete? It made no sense. I have everything.

_You don't have Jake._ My mind mused, making me growl at myself until a smell hit my nose along with the sound of padded paws hitting the ground. Between the smell and paws, I knew it was Jake. Memories of his scent before the change came to mind, and I tried to hold on to it the closer he came. I felt like I would never truly get used to the stench.

I didn't look up yet, even when he was close and I heard the rustling of what I thought was him putting on his shorts.

"Hi."

One word and that deep tone still spoke to me deep inside somewhere, still though the tension was there. We both could feel it, like the elephant in the room. Where's a pack of lions when you need them?

"Hi Jacob." I wasn't even sure what more could be said or what to even say to him. I was more than surprised he was even here. I couldn't help it but, for a moment, I hoped to be the reason.

"Your blo-husband said Nessie would like us to talk more."

So that's how he got Jake here. Of course. The imprint. I wasn't the reason he came. He came only because he thought it would help my daughter later. Then again, I should have known I wasn't the reason. Still it hurt. It hurt knowing I was so far off his radar, even as I reminded myself that this is what I wanted. This is what I gave up everything for. Even though I truly had given up nothing, Jake had made sure of that. He found a way to let me have my happily ever after and my dad without giving up anything about me.

I looked up at my ex-best friend right then and noticed, like always, the sadness in his eyes and in his darkened features. He looked haunted, but that was to me who knew him. I couldn't help but stare at his abs or the shaggy look of his hair that came just below his ears. I wasn't sure what made him grow his hair back out a bit but I was not complaining. I did, however, ignore the urge to touch it and feel it in my hands.

"Yea."

And more awkward silence, initiating now.

"Shouldn't you be hunting?" He looked at me in question as his eyes looked me over.

"Not hungry…" I murmured though Jake didn't seem surprised at all by my answer and for a moment he even looked amused.

"And pass up blood o' duck?" he smirked slightly, lifting the tension a bit.

I couldn't help but wonder if it was for me or my daughter. I probably should just count my blessings.

"Not duck season," I tried to joke back knowing that it was lousy and fell flat.

"That…was the worst joke ever."

I couldn't help but agree with him and there came Mr. Elephant awkwardness loomed. Then suddenly, as me and Jake looked at each other, we both burst out laughing.

"Duck season, really?"

I couldn't help but mimic back, "Blood o' duck?"

"Better than duck season," He laughed and it felt as natural as the trees surrounding us.

For a moment Jake n' Bells was back, and I was savoring it. "You should stop hating."

"Sure, sure. Tell me that when your favorite dish isn't O positive."

And then I went silent right as the elephant waved its trunk as if to say _did you miss me?_

I looked away and past the trees as far as I could, I knew even with my eyes I wouldn't see much. It was a very dense forest and we moved near it for a reason. The biggest being a little girl becoming a woman in around 7 years. _Two of them already about gone_. I thought grimly.

I didn't feel like being here anymore. Worse yet, I felt like if I did start running. I wouldn't find it in me to stop.

"So the drug wore off…" Jake said quietly enough where, if I wasn't a vampire, I wouldn't have heard it.

"Just drop it Jacob." I knew I was whining and only had myself to blame for how I was feeling right now.

"Drop what? That I was right?"

And there it was. He just had to poke the elephant. He just had to read me like always in just a few moments where Edward - even after our arguments – would probably be telling his self that none of it mattered. Why would it? I made an irreversible choice. I had the perfect husband. At least, I would keep reminding myself of that.

"Then again, you got everything you wanted." Jake spat out the words with disdain, "So what's the problem Bells? Would say all you're missing is the dog but you got that too."

His voice got darker with each word and even the old nickname that was once so endearing sounded like venom. If not for his voice, I would think it was my own mind berating myself again.

Still I couldn't let him see his self like that. He was more than that. Way more.

"Don't talk about yourself like that." I frowned, reaching out to touch him like I used to.

My fingers barely brushed his skin before Jake seemed to recoil, as though repulsed, while stepping out of reach "Why not?"

My arms quickly went to my sides then around myself for comfort even as I spoke softly. "Because you're more than that. You deserve so mu-"

"Stop! I'm so sick and tired of you saying what I deserve when all you do is show me how I'm not enough! It's all you've ever done!"

I didn't even have to look to know that he was shaking with anger, but still I looked. The pain and anguish in his eyes cut at me. How bad did I hurt him? How bad did I break him? But at least he has her…

_He didn't want her and you know it. She wasn't his choice_, my mind decided to push what I wanted to keep buried up and to the surface.

"Jake..." I nearly whimpered his name. Part of me wanted him to stop looking at me with so much in his eyes because it was pure emotional turmoil. The other part knew that I had it coming.

"No! Just stop there! I swear if you say her name right now…." he took a deep breath but it didn't seem to help much. "Nearly two years…two fucking years since and I still can't...FUCK! Every time I feel like I can forget you! Every time I feel like I might be able to get over you! But I CAN'T! I can't even look at her eyes without thinking of yours! DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP THAT IS!? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP IT IS THAT I CHANGED MY FUTURE WIFE'S DIAPER!? So don't you dare say her fucking name! You think I want to be reminded of how much on the end of the shit stick I am!?"

He started pacing and I swore that any second he'd be on all fours even with how he grabbed at his own hair. He wasn't Jake at all anymore. He was the embodiment of pissed and I knew that I should go. Even with a shield and my strength there was something about how feral he was right now that was downright scary. Yet here I was, and deeper in my non-beating heart I still trusted him.

I was never the first place winner on sane decisions.

"And what I'm supposed to say when she's old enough!? Happy seventh birthday, it's cool, we can fuck now!?"

I winced, feeling disturbed as he started painting the picture for me. I didn't know you could feel sick to your stomach and jealous all at once. Even worse, jealous of my own daughter.

"What I'm supposed to do!? Say its cool!? I had enough dreams about your mom so I've got better control?!" He started shouting louder, his form shaking to the point he seemed to blur. "Oh, but wait! It's okay Ness. When I look at you I see her anyway, but I still see you too."

"Didn't Quil…" I knew that I was fishing for anything to help, but it seemed to do the opposite. Touching him wasn't an option anymore.

"I'm not Quil! He can't even see another chick to date one! You think he LIKES being tied to a little kid like that?"

"You didn't seem so against it before…"

"THAT WAS BEFORE I IMPRINTED ON A NEWBORN!"

"Maybe you'll forget in time…" That was a thought that I hated. The idea of Jake truly moving on and forgetting me hurt a lot. _Wow, that sounded selfish._

"I know leeches don't have a sense of time but have you forgotten example one, aka SAM! He STILL thought of Leah!"

That only made me confused as I thought about it. Wasn't imprinting supposed to wipe all that clean? I couldn't help the small amount of joy from knowing that it wasn't that simple. That joy died though at the look in Jake's eyes and then the bitter laugh from his lips.

"I'm the future chief of my tribe and my future wife's a half vamp. The thing I'm supposed to kill. The thing I'm supposed to protect people from…" He said it all in a quiet tone, his body slowly became still before his voice came out hollow and broken. "But I guess it doesn't matter. The thought of…with…I just can't…"

Slowly his face became a grimace "Even if I could and we had a kid..." I tried to not look sick as he continued "Either way the option is fucked up."

For once I wished I couldn't read Jake like I could because I was right there with him feeling disturbed and sick at it all. With a house full of vampires and a half vampire as a mother, he would be risking a child's death or setting them up to be a shifter. There was no if or maybes about it.

I wanted to say I was sorry but where would I even start? Sorry for falling in love? I couldn't be sorry for that. I wasn't. I wasn't sorry for loving Edward.

_Maybe for realizing things too late, like perfect isn't always better?_ My mind started and all I could do was hold myself as though I was coming apart.

_Maybe I should go hunt._ I thought to myself before getting up slowly.

I wished that Jake would look at me again, but he wouldn't even turn my way. Now that he was facing the opposite direction, I felt like the wall had gotten even thicker between us.

Yes, hunting had to be better than this. Sitting here and thinking only made me think of more things that I would rather push back down. Maybe it was good I couldn't sleep, I was sure after the picture Jake painted of his future that I would have a nightmare.

I started moving away from him and in search of my prey. I know I should have been paying better attention, but with the war in my head I wasn't at my best. If I had been, the sudden sweet smell maybe would have made me pause a bit at how much it sung to me. Instead bloodlust took over and I let it. It was the one thing that I could do as an escape.

One thing did make me stop. A sudden sound and a pain at my chest right at my heart along with the feeling of fire spreading through me as I fell to the ground.

I thought changing into a vampire was an agonizing pain. It didn't compare to this, not something so consuming and brutal. I couldn't help but cry out as it felt as though I was being torn apart and burned. Even with no knowledge personally of the experience, I felt like this was what it felt like and I expected to see flames around me.

Instead there was the blur of trees that came in and out of focus. If I could have looked at myself, I would have known I was writhing on the ground but all I cared about was the pain eating me alive. I actually convulsed hard enough to puke on myself. A weird mix of silver and dark crimson assaulted my eyes a moment before they rolled back, and I barely heard the footsteps that came closer to me.

"He-he-help..." my voice was guttural as I pleaded to the blurry image of what I thought was a girl.

Here I was an almighty vampire begging this human for help. I cared less at the moment for the irony, and would have accepted a vision of Yoda at this point.

I tried to beg again as nothing came out anymore, just that liquid and my body went through more compulsions as a feeling that I never thought I would know again took over along with the pain.

I felt weak.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm not sure how you're still alive but give me one sec to fix that."

I wasn't sure what she meant nor why the voice sounded familiar, until I heard the sound of an apparent fire that changed the priorities of my thoughts.

_Dear god…help me…please._ I tried to scream it even as I felt myself self being dragged and it didn't take a genius to know to where I was going, but I couldn't get free. No matter how much I screamed at my body to obey as the pain went through me, I felt weaker with each passing moment.

It felt like hours until I heard the howl, and the upper half of my body was unceremoniously dropped. I barely took noticed as the pain consumed me again from the inside out.

I couldn't get my eyes to focus as the blurred images of what I figured was the girl and a giant wolf - who I figured to be Jake- stood near each other. At the moment I couldn't figure out why Jake couldn't pick me up and run me to Carlisle. The fact that he couldn't because of some reason was lost on me at the moment.

Finally a scream did come out of me but it wasn't intentional. The pain was too much. I couldn't take this much longer. I could barely make them out anymore as darkness was coming fast. I didn't even feel myself being lifted again.

Was I dying? Was I really going to die? Like this? Or did Jake finally get me? Maybe Jake was so mad that he was actually leaving me to die? As much as I couldn't see Jake doing that, only pain and hurt was going through me - helping me to think the worse or the worse.

As everything went black, I finally got my apology together.

_Sorry Jake…for everything._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. Thank you for the reviews and I'm sorry it took so long. I would also like to thank my beta reader. This is my first story so constructive criticism is welcomed!

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><p><em>Thump…<em>

_Thump…thump…_

_What is that?_ My mind whispered. It felt as though I had just woken up from the most powerful sedative known to man. I could feel the hard ground under me so I knew I wasn't dead. Not yet at least. I didn't think passing out was a vampire thing though. I could hear a fire crackling nearby, and I wondered where that girl was. Was she stalling now? That made no sense at all considering she wasn't before.

I didn't dare open my eyes. Fear still gripped me, making me sweat more and my heart race. I was wishing the fire away and the blankets made it only worse, sticking to my skin along with my hair. Wait, blankets? When did I get those and why?

I tried to depend on my nose, only stale air and smoke from the fire at first until more smells hit me. The night air and the moon, and oddly familiar. Comfortable even. I tried not to trust it; it was inviting and calling me. _More reason not to trust it_, I felt. Then came the subtle scent of pine, making my eyes snap open expecting to see Jake. Barely paying attention to the fact I was in a cave.

Was I going insane? I breathed in more, trying to erase the memory of that wet dog stench. I had to be going crazy, or maybe I was dead. This was a memory….

One of the forest and home, but there he was. Eyes closed as he was leaned against the cave wall, so close I could touch him. My breath hitched, I was too scared to breath. Thinking it'd melt away into nothing soon as I did. Wait, breathing? I was breathing? No, wait...that sound...

_Thump…_

That pain in my chest again, the sound came with it. It felt raw but each time felt less painful than the last. I was going crazy; I had to be. I nearly tried to move before my body protested, sore. Everything was sore.

_Thump…_

There it was again. Maybe I wasn't crazy...but there's no way…

Right? I had to make sure. My arm moving as pain shot through me, making me clench my teeth together. But I had to make sure. It seared through me, finally my hand was on my chest and though it throbbed. I had tears in my eyes…

Real tears! I even did a mental jig; a real one was out the question. But I felt it. My heart…

_Thump...Thump…_

_1...2...3...4…._

I counted each one scared that when I stopped so would that sound. The pulse seemed to reverberate through my skin.

_Thump…thump…thump…thump…._

It was impossible but I didn't care. I just kept counting.

_567…568…569…_

My hand stayed over my heart. I tried to look around as much as possible without moving my head. Not easy at all, especially since my eyes kept shifting back to Jake. Watching his chest rise and fall, just as mine were while I took in now needed air. I think even my lungs hurt.

But I was breathing. Definitely breathing. Did I need to breathe? I stopped for only a moment before realizing, I needed to breathe.

Heart. Breathing. This was crazy. I was crazy. Holy crow, what was going on?!

"How long you're going to just lay there?" I heard a female voice ask me.

Oh no. I was caught. Closing my eyes quickly , I tried to look like I was asleep again. Hoping she would buy my lie.

"I know you heard me." She sounded annoyed.

Definitely caught.

Opening my eyes, I nearly expected to be grabbed again and dragged to the fire. She could have killed me when I was unconscious, unless she wanted me awake for it. I shivered at the thought as I cautiously looked at her. She was looking at me curiously as though she was trying to figure me out. If anything, that was strange. Wasn't she just trying to kill me?

"Just do it..." my voice came out hoarse while steeling myself for what was coming. I stared at her still figure until movement caught my eye, and suddenly Jake was over me. Worry written over his face as he seemed to look me over. It confused me even more.

"Bella,what hurts? What a-"

One look in my eyes and he suddenly shuts up quickly. His mouth had snapped shut as my own widened in surprise and happiness. _You're so wrong,_ my mind reprimanded me. I should feel anything but happy.

But how? Why?

WHAT IS GOING ON!? If this was all a dream, I was finding the first lit match and dropping it on myself.

"I told you that you'd imprint on her," the girl sounded amused while Jake looked anything but.

I didn't even wonder how she knew what imprinting was. I was still too dumbfounded by the fact Jake imprinted on ME. But he was my daughter's. It was fact! I knew it. He knew it. Everyone knew it.

My head was hurting, it was all too much. Heartbeat. Breathing. Imprint. I took a chance to look at Jake again, emotions flashed through his eyes.

Joy, happiness, love, and confusion then anger. His face hardening into a cold mask as he quickly got to his feet and left for the exit.

Too much, it was all just too much. My eyes closed tightly try to will it all away now.

"And where do you think you're going," I heard the girl ask.

"Out," came the gruff reply before he was gone.

I could feel his absence. I knew he was furry now and at the sound of extra steps, I figured the girl must went after him. It was all hopeless though. Jake was pissed. I was sure I was the reason.

Everything was hitting me and then Jacob leaving made it worse, tears started in my eyes as I choked back a sob. I would not cry. Instead curling up more on the floor, ignoring the pain shooting through my limbs as I just curled up more. I was falling apart.

I didn't even hear the girl come back, but I felt her eyes on me. I didn't care though, my world had become undone even more at the seams. I know I wanted perfect gone, but this. Why was this happening? Why?

"You have got to be kidding me…" I heard her mutter as I kept trying to block everything out. "Nope you're not, you're really just going to just lay there like that. Need a vagina to come out of?"

Okay, that pissed me off. How dare she talk to me that way! She knew nothing! Nothing of what I been through! Ignoring the pain I sat up, determined to get up. Using the rough edges of the cave walls to pull myself up until I was standing while inwardly glad me I came to her exact height.

"How dare you insult me!" I glared and seethed, my voice came out softer than I would like. Feeling my legs about to give out, I held on to the cave wall once more, bracing myself against it a moment.

"How dare I? Awwww, you're really cute" she repeated sounding amused while pissing me off more.

I had spent all day trying to not fight with anyone. I had been trying to make things work. Make things better. I been trying to accept things. But this girl was looking smug, as though she was better than me. It reminded me of Leah. Her tan skin and long dark hair didn't help stop the comparison. Then add the fact I nearly died and this girl was insulting me. Nope it didn't help. I could picture Leah doing the same.

"Yes! And how dare you act high and mighty! You tried to kill me! You know nothing about me! You probably don't even know what pain feels like! The pain of hurting someone you lo-care about!"

Her face didn't even change at my near slip or at my outburst. Why had I even let that slip? Too much in one day.

"Are you done?" she asked calmly, her dark eyes watching me carefully.

Was she serious!? Just as I was going to let her have it, my words got caught in my throat. I was staring at what I thought I had took a glimpse of fangs. I was sure I saw fangs. Looking at her more I also saw claws. Those were not your regular fingernails. But the craziest thing of all were two wolf ears on top of her head, her head tilted in a lupine manner right as I took a curious step, only to fall and land on my behind. I was definitely going crazy.

"Anyway…" she folded her arms while not making a move to help me up. "I'm not the one who tried to kill you. You're looking for blonde girl with green eyes, and hate to break it to you. But I'm not blonde nor white chica. Besides if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead."

Okay, she had a point there. Though now I wondered if I had a sign that says: Hate me if you're blonde. I nearly wanted to say she was lying but as I thought about it. The girl that tried to kill me didn't seem the type to want a conversation.

"And I know enough. Your wolf…." She started while looking thoughtful, brushing back strands of hair that escaped her bun. "I asked him a bit about you and I have to say wow. Most people run from vampires but you run to him and then run to him again even after he dumps you like trash. I take it the whole beating heart is a turn off to you. Cold and dead is more your thing?"

Already I was back to glaring at her as I bit the words out, "I love him and I'm his singer."

She looked puzzled at me a moment and I felt like I would have to explain to her, then she would see why there was no other way. I had to be with Edward, point blank.

"You realize you did the equivalent of a girl rubbing herself on steak then marrying a starving lion…"

"That is not true! Being a singer mea-"

"Being a singer means your blood calls to him. Blood doesn't call to a vampire to mate….that's feeding time. You are just the best meal he would had have in his life. I mean honestly take away the looks what do you love about him?"

"He noticed me…" I frowned knowing that sounded weak to my own ears.

"So do rapists but would you marry one?"

"He went against his nature for me!"

"Oh, is that it? Hm, If I ever see a giant mosquito I'll send him in your direction" she smirked which only made me growl. Why was I even trying to prove anything to this girl? She didn't know me but I couldn't help it.

_Because you agree with her_, my mind sounded off making growl again. Why was I growling?

"Only once he left me, and it was for my own looks out for my best interests too!"

"I heard you were left in the middle of the woods where a vampire was around who wanted to kill you. Yet, you're fine with that? And I have someone who looks out for my best interests too…I call him dad."

At that I snapped my mouth shut. She was seriously irking me.

"What about Jacob?" She leaned back looking up at the ceiling. "Why do you care about him?"

"He was there for me and helped put me back together. " memories started in my head while speaking. "He made me smile. He made me feel happy. I had fun with him. We did tons of stuff together and even with the…" I stopped myself before going into how I tried to hear Edward's voice then I continued "I felt like I could go on. He challenges me, he's a great friend…" Y_et you haven't been that good of one to him_, my mind reminded me making me quiet myself at the last part.

"So instead of being with the guy who makes you feel good about yourself, you stayed with the one who made you feel inferior. I don't get it but they say love makes you do stupid things." She looked more puzzled, shaking her head before adding. "That's kinda near retardation though."

I didn't know what I hated more about this girl, the fact she just insulted me or the fact she was right. I wondered just how much Jake told her, did he tell her everything? Just enough? For some reason I didn't want to know. The thought of someone else knowing was bad enough in itself.

I heard a sound and my ears flicked on the top of my head as though towards it while my head tilted. Wait…what?

I tried to make my arms move further up but I winced in pain at the movement, making me opt against it and instead leaning against the cave wall instead, glad that at least I was no longer in the blanket nor near the roaring fire. My eyes shifted back to the exit, I didn't feel him or see him but I kept looking in hope he would come back soon.

_Why would he? ,_ my mind asked. And I didn't even have a satisfying answer for myself.

"I'm Kira…" my eyes went to her , unsure if she knew she interrupted my musings. I kept looking at her puzzled to why she would even bother telling me this.

"Bella", I mumbled. I wasn't even sure why I gave her my name, I was blaming stress and the fact she might already know it.

"I know, Jake told me." The smug tone making me roll my eyes.

I watched Kira's ear perk as though trying to hear a far off sound, before she went completely still. Her body tense , while both ears stayed more upright and I wondered if she was about to flee. She seemed more wolf than human.

"What is it?" I chanced asking, my heart was beating faster in my chest and nothing else could be heard. Still nothing as she stayed motionless, and alert. Her feet ready to run. I couldn't take it anymore. I forced myself up while taking a moment to steady myself. My legs seemed to be in disagreement with each step I took before it felt more sure. I still hoped not to fall.

"Kira " I called her name again, hoping to get her attention. Her eyes stayed trained on the exit, still not moving. Having enough of this, I grabbedhold of her arm feeling her stiffen . I expected her to snatch her arm away, but she didn't move . Her silence though was driving me mad.

"We have to go…" she nearly whispered it.

"What?" I blinked at her. "Go? Go where? Where's Jake?" I couldn't just up and leave. Especially not without Jake. She couldn't be serious. Even less serious thinking I would just up and go somewhere with her.

"Don't know. But we need to go," she emphasized the last sentence, no longer whispering but her voice a firm command.

She was already moving before I could say anything. Quickly grabbing the blankets I was in, and working to put out the fire. Her eyes searched the small cave, for what didn't know. Still I was standing there dumbfounded, her quick movements making me more nervous.

I heard footsteps entering as one of my own ears twitched on top of my head. My breath hitched , that strange fact passing me as I half expected the worse. All I could hear was my heart as I swallowed thickly now, eyes searching for an exit. glanced at Kira seeing her move faster to adjust a bag on her back, but making no move to stop whoever was coming. I closed my eyes tight until a familiar scent came. At the smell of pine and forest I relaxed, and it was as if I knew. When he appeared, I was more than glad. He was still pulling up his shorts, his hair in messy strands below his chin. Perfect abs I wanted to touch, feel...

_Bella stop,_ I told myself. I looked up to his face, or I tried. He wouldn't even really look at me. _Please look at me,_ I screamed in my head desperately. It hurt to not look and catch his eyes. To not be able to touch him. J_ake...please_, I was screaming inside for just a simple touch. I bit my lip while holding back a whimper. Moving my arms around my midsection, glad my muscles weren't protesting as much .

I looked down at the cave floor instead, fighting myself not to just throw myself at him. The need was burning throughout me. I needed to get a grip on myself, I barely heard Kira as she cleared her throat.

"Hate to break this up, but we need to get going. Like now," there was desperation in her voice.

Jake looked up finally just as I did , our eyes staring at the dark eyed girl who had been nothing but smug. Desperate didn't fit her well.

"Whats going on?" I wondered how many times I would have to ask that before I got an answer.

"No time " she huffed, she took one last look around the cave then at us. Her answer only had me growling as I refused to take one step. My issues with Jacob taking a background for the moment , the small movement of my ears on top of my head made me even more determined for some answers.

"Make some" I said firmly.

"We dont have any!" she hissed, looking back at me and Jake with a feral expression. I barely noticed how Jake got a bit closer to me, I didn't have enough energy to hope that he still cared at the moment. Her eyes golden now as I looked at her, not backing down before she growled low.

"You have 2 minutes…" Kira said through clenched teeth, her fangs looking more pronounced with her bad mood while I gave a small look of disbelief. She was kidding right? My whole life was turned upside down and shes only giving me two minutes?

"The clock's ticking. Talk or don't. I leave." She announced.

At that I growled , but it only seemed to amuse her a bit. Her eyes glowing with a bit, as her lips twisted up into a smug smile hiding her fangs. I knew her happiness wouldn't last long even if she knew she won this round. What to ask first? I tried for what sounded crazy to even me.

"Do I have ears on top of my head?" I looked at her with complete seriousness.

I thought it would just sound crazy, but it went to completely stupid sounding. Yet Kira sat there looking even more amused at me, before her ears twitched slightly as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Yes , you have ears on top of your head. Just like these," she pointed to her own as though it was the most natural thing in the world, she rolled her eyes in irritation reminding me I was on a time limit. . "Minute and 30 seconds." she added just in case.

I took a moment to let it sink in but I heard an exasperated sigh, "I'm leaving. You have questions. I get it. But unfortunately there's little time. So unless you have a magic portal to get us out if we're get found. We WILL die. I'm a werewolf, not Indestucto-woman. So we need to leave, or I leave anyway "

Werewolf? She's a...wait die? Fangs. Ears. Whats outside? My eyes went to Jake who looked just as shocked as me.

"You..but…how..What?" I couldn't wrap my mind around it all.

The last time I heard werewolf was with the Volturi around. And we found out that Jacob and the others were shifters. Not werewolves. But wait if she's a werewolf. And then add the dying factor. My hands went to the ears on my head. My breathing got faster as I felt myself about to panic. My eyes went back to Kira who was wearing an annoyed expression that was now pissing me off. This was my life, and she wanted me to do things on her time? I wasn't doing it again. I wasn't letting someone else tell me where to go, and what to do.

"No! I'm not going anywhere without answers!" I shouted earning a surprised stare from Jake. "You expect me to follow you somewhere when I have no clue whats going on, I nearly DIED and now I look like I'm turning into a hentai as a furry!"

"You know what a hentai is?" Jake asked making me blush at his sudden interruption. Okay, maybe that wasn't the best metaphor I could have said.

"Not the point!" I tried willing my own blush down.

"You're the one that said it," he actually laughed as I gave a glare that only made him laugh more.

"We don't have time for this," Kira groaned making my glare turn on her.

"I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT ANSWERS!" I shouted.

"You might as well tell her," Jake smirked and for a moment I felt like I had Jake on my side.

"You have less than a minute left." Kira didn't seem to be backing down from neither of us. Her eyes looking directly into mine as I stood with my arms folded.

"You really expect me to just do something just because you think its best!? Without telling me why? Or anything else?"

"Why not? You done it for years now…" came a mumble and I knew it was Jacob. I held back my own frown, angry he felt that way. More angry at myself since I inwardly agreed, though I was no where near wanting to admit it out loud. I kept my eyes on Kira instead, holding my own position.

"Fine." Kira growled out the word.

Now that I didn't see coming, but Kira either didn't notice my surprise or didn't care to acknowledge it.

"You're a werewolf." Kira said flatly.

As much as I had already started to guess that, it still had me nearly panicking. I glanced at Jake wanting his comfort right now, but he wasn't even looking at me anymore. I was honestly getting tired of the wall. I wanted it gone.

"But how?" The answer still baffled me.

"I'm not sure, you should be dead," she answered as I heard a low growl.

Turning my head I saw Jake shaking with rage. Without thinking I reached to touch his arm only for him to back away from me quickly. Closing my eyes, hurt at the rejection I turned back to Kira who was eyeing the exit.

"What do you mean…"

"The arrow that hit you should have killed you," she said with finality in her tone which earned another growl from Jake. "Just be happy she somehow survived it puppy."

"But still how!?" I wasn't understanding how I could survive some weapon clearly made for killing a vampire. Not to mention an arrow of all things. So how did I not only get hit but turned.

"I don't know, maybe you were already a wolf," she mused before starting to walk off.

Wait what?

"How was she a wolf!? She was a damn leech!"

Well thanks Jake for that loving comment. Point or not, it hurt to hear the acid in his tone.

"I don't know! I'm not a doctor. Time's up!" Kira ran out without a backwards glance.

"Kira!" I screamed. Without thinking I took off after only to fall and trip, falling to the forest floor. I looked up and around to find her but only saw trees around me. Just more and more trees, as I kept searching. I scream in frustration, cursing and ripping up the grass with my bare hands before clenching my fists together to beat the ground with it. Over and over I hit the ground, before finally pulling at my hair. Wincing from the pain but it wouldn't stop. Everything was so wrong.

I don't know when the tears started but once they did I couldn't stop them. Everything was so messed up, and I didn't have a clue. I felt a hand on my shoulder, as much as I didn't want to lean into that comfort , knowing that he could reject me just as quick as usual, I did anyway. I needed it badly, some kind of anchor.

"Bella…" he began but nothing came after that.

I stared at the ground, unsure myself of what even to say. What could be said?

"We should get back…" he said softly. It was almost comforting. I looked at him then. Back? Back to what? He looked as unsure as me as what we would find there.

_Your daughter...husband..._

Those words kept reminding me and I was becoming more upset. I let myself forget I had a family. I thought of running again. But then what? Edward would not be happy. And not to mention…

I lifted a hand gently touching a wolf ear on my head, they were real, part of me expecting it all to still be my imagination. Still...what was going on. Kira said I should be dead...this wasn't dead.

"Maybe Carlisle can help...sides Bella, she could be telling the truth. We don't know what's coming…"

I watched him shift a bit on his feet.

"Smell anything?"

I knew I didn't, but maybe he did. My sense of smell didn't seem weaker. The scent of pine, water, the air itself was ….

"No but still…"

My shoulders dropped a bit, too tired to argue. Carlisle might be the only one that could help, and I did need to go home. Getting up off the forest floor I didn't even bother to dust myself off, not surprised to feel the hand drop from my shoulder and no help to get up.

My eyes closed briefly, too tired to care anymore at the moment as I felt Jake move to leave , and I wordlessly moved behind him to follow. Not even bothering to ask him how he knew the way back, I was feeling on empty at the moment with nothing to hold on to. Anchor gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. Thank you for the reviews again! I would also like to thank my beta reader. This is my first story so constructive criticism is welcomed!

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><p>Thirty-seven times…<p>

That was how many times I tripped, stumbled, or just nearly fell on my behind. Either werewolves weren't that graceful, or I had my clumsiness -seven times I had to pick myself up and that part stung. Making my heart ache, and I almost wished it would stop beating again just to stop this.

_But it was okay to put Jake through hell?_ My mind slipped a thought, making me want to scream in frustration. A scent immediately hit my nose, making me gag. Rancid, and sweet. It made me think of candy, death and bleach. Too strong, nauseating, and sweet.

I tried to figure out the smell as my eyes caught sight of what was in front of us. The closer we got, the more I wanted to double over. _This couldn't be them? Could it?_ I didn't want to believe but my nose was wrinkling more and the smell was so bad I could even taste it on my tongue. Jake stopped and looked at me to make a move.

The wind blew through, giving a second's relief to the odor only for it to return with a vengeance. My eyes went to Jake questioningly. I was hoping he could quell the dread I was feeling; tell me what I knew was wrong.

"You smell them too.." he muttered under his breath.

His tone seemed to make that ticking time bomb move faster. I didn't bother agreeing, instead I took breath through the mouth and I lifted a hand to the door to knock on my own front door.

In mid knock, the door open and Emmett's face appeared. When he picked me up into a bear hug, a low growl rumbled. Not from me but from Jacob. I didn't think it wasn't needed, but the sound made Emmett release me instantly. I was quick putting my hand over my nose, hoping for the smell to go away right while I took a step back. One step then another and then I looked at Emmett.

"Damn sis, you stink!" Emmett laughed, his eyes showed a sense of worry and surprise, as he looked me over carefully. I didn't have time to remind myself that I was different now, no longer marble with unyielding flesh. My mind was too busy reeling while I was staring at Emmett, the playful big brother I never thought I would have.

My voice was caught in my throat as dull, lifeless amber eyes stared back at me. I took a moment to wrap my arms around myself. I tried to force away the memory of that icy hug, as pale gray arms seemed to ripple with muscle unnaturally.

"Bella, coming in? Eddy boy been looking for ya," he grinned, but it never reached his eyes. I wished it would. How would I act like nothing changed? If this was just Emmett, what else lay ahead?

I felt Jake nudge me forward a bit. I tried to grin back but the more Emmett's hollow eyes looked back, the more I wanted to turn and run. The life seemed sucked out of him and it was scaring me.

"Yea..co-coming" I breathed out into my hand that still covered my nose from the repulsive smell, I could see Emmett wanting his own space. His eyes showed confusion but I no longer wanted to look at him.

I tried taking small breaths in with my mouth, out with my nose. Trying to keep that pattern in mind, as I came into the open space of the living room where I felt out of place as usual. No not true, I finally felt I had a place within the coven. The memory of the change into a vampire came, as I remembered how it was to look around at everything from different eyes. I was perfect, finally. But I also remembered how that changed, that sense of perfect becoming not only dull but a painful reminder as I slowly found myself feeling out of place again.

Everyone else in the family made it seem so seamless , as though they were living. As though we were living. No we were existing, and when I grasped that fact was maybe when my fairy tale started to shatter. But there was so many moments, and I could still remember Rose's looks of " I told you so"

"E-" Emmett began to yell breaking me out of my thoughts. He didn't even have to yell, I could smell him before he even appeared.

Edward was by my side in a flash, the smell grew worse and I knew the others were close by. My nose burned and I forget my pattern with a sudden intake of air through the nose had me bend over suddenly dry heaving.

"Bella, love..are you.." he had stopped talking to rub my back.

The gentle rubbing was meant to be soothing, but it was creating chills up my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Each touch forced my to grit my teeth and stand still.

_What the hell was wrong with me? Too cold, way too cold…_

I was trying to close my eyes tight. Force out my mind the image of my husband face. His hollow eyes and pallor flesh looked so sickly that it seemed to hang on his bones.

I barely paid attention to the worried voices around, nor the silent hisses but the growl that was increasing in volume caught my instant attention. It made me force myself up when I didn't want to. I found myself looking in Jake's direction, who was visibly shaking when Edward pulled me closer.

_No...too close…_ My mind screamed, the icy chill that use to soothe like cooling water now seemed too cold. Too uncomfortable.

I pulled away before he realized it. My arms were around me as I swallowed down my own bile. I even ignored the pain stricken look on Edward's face as I kept a distance between us. At least Jake had calmed. _Had he actually cared or was that the imprint_.

I winced at the thought of the imprint, we were facing the unknown. My eyes went to Edward hesitantly, feeling the pressing at my head. Gentle pressure as though fingers trying to reach in and pry, I wasn't even sure when I put the shield up or how I did it. Even more unsure, how I could feel Edward's focus just as I did as a vampire, I was glad to still have him out my head. I had to keep looking at him though, looking for a sign that he knew about the imprint. As seconds passed to minutes, I was sure if Edward knew his reaction would be much worse. Jacob must had gotten better at keeping things to his self now, though I shouldn't be surprised. He been with the coven so long.

"Bella! Why can't I see you!" came a haunting shriek as Alice appeared with an annoyed expression on her face, I had already knew she was close by. I wondered where the others were while inwardly wishing she would keep a distance. The annoyed expression on her face turned her grotesque features into something nightmare's were made of. That musical voice seemed to lose it melody. I took another breath through my mouth, ignoring the stare down between Jacob and Edward.

I forced myself to look at my sister, my best friend wanting nothing more than to hide behind Jacob or at least soothe him but he seemed to calm from the distance I was putting between myself and the Cullens in the room. Trying to not show my disgust, I shook my head, "I don't know Alice...I don't know."

My voice came out more lost and confused than I would have like. Alice's frown seemed to have deepen but part of me felt relieved she couldn't spy on me now.

"If you did something to her…" Edward hissed at Jacob.

My head snapped around to my husband.

"I did NOTHING leech. I saved her!" Jake growled.

"SHE SMELLS LIKE A DOG MUTT!" Edward yelled right back at him, less controlled than usual as he glared at Jake.

It was then that Carlisle appeared, putting a hand on Edward's shoulder. He looked in Emmett's direction. "Get Jasper, please." I glanced at a unusually quiet Emmett who only nodded in answer before gone in a blink of an eye.

It wasn't long , before I saw everyone around me seeming to visibly relax. Even Jake , even though scowling, no longer form was no longer blurring with the urge to phase.I still though wanting nothing to do with them,inching farther away even as Jasper came into view and started to come closer. Jake unconsciously inched closer to me while my eyes stayed on Jasper. I didn't want him any closer. Finally he stopped with a surprised expression on his face, obviously wondering since when I could repel his power.

Everyone's eyes seemed to be on me, noticing the difference from the look on my face. The urge to fight or flee took over and I had no clue why. I made a hard swallow while my eyes went to the Cullens in the room, glancing at each other in seemingly silent conversation over my distress. Distress that should have been calmed down. Carlisle paid special attention to me as he looked even more perplexed.

"Bella may I speak to you in private?" Carlisle kept his eyes at me while I forced a nod. Maybe he could figure out what's wrong with me. I wasn't too comfortable with the idea, but my choices seemed limited. I didn't have to look to tell Jacob wasn't happy at the thought of me being a test subject.

Still, I was also glad to put some space between me and the overwhelming smell of so many vampires in one I started moving, and felt an icy hand on my arm . I had to force myself to stay still .Then came another growl from Jacob.

"I think I should be there as well Carlisle, I am her husband after all." Edward emphasized husband and I felt it was directed at Jacob who even with Jasper's powers was on edge. He only continued to dig in the proverbial knife. "Besides Renesmee was asking about you."

"Actually...I don't want you there Edward." The words came spilling out my mouth before I could stop them.

"Bella!" Alice whined, surprised at my own admission along with me while coming closer. I pressed my hand a bit more to my nose, though it seemed the effort was futile at this point. Instead moving to put distance between me and the two of them, my eyes once again going to Carlisle still looking everywhere but directly at Edward.

I didn't have to look at my husband to know he was hurting. Part of me wanted to take it back but I wanted to stand my ground. I was just so sick of the smell and Edward's attitude had wore on me long before.

"I see. Very well Isabella."

Before I could say another word, he was gone. I was too tired to pay attention to the shocked eyes following me as I wordlessly made my way to Carlisle's study. I made sure to quicken my steps to the door before sliding myself inside.

Opening a few windows first, I stuck my head out of one. . . I couldn't bring myself to care about it or the whispering going on down stairs - even the one voice not even bothering to whisper at all. Jake never had a problem speaking his mind; we both didn't fit in this impeccable world.

Taking in another breath of the wind that was flowing freely. I noticed the voices stopped and soon the door opened and closed. I wrinkled my nose as the smell assaulted my senses again. _How do you get used to it? Was it like this for Jake? The pack? How did they stand it?_

Trying to get in another breath of delicious vampire free air, I took a deep breath before pulling myself out the window and ignoring the aching tug on my heart. I tried to even hide my disappointment at only seeing Carlisle; the thought of Jacob with my daughter hurt even more now.

He wouldn't? Would he?

"Bella?"

I blinked out of my musings to look at Carlisle. I immediately regretting it, trying to look anywhere but at the sunken in face and hollow eyes that were once vibrant to me.

"Hm?" It was a sorry acknowledgement. I felt sad that the thought of touching his skin now made me a bit sick to my stomach.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

I nodded once, trying to remind myself to breath with my mouth before beginning with my tale about the girl trying to kill me, nearly dying and meeting Kira. When I finished, I sat down on the farthest couch feeling exhausted yet my body felt wired and alert. Carlisle watched me carefully a moment saying nothing. He was giving me another look which I assumed was towards the top of my head.

"Yes I know...the wolf ears creeped me out too." I muttered, looking back outside the window seeing the sun was now bright and shining.

Just how long did me and Jake walked; it was night when we left the cave. Then my eyes went to my skin, my not glowing or sparkling skin and I couldn't help the small smile forming.

"Bella, there's no wolf ears on your head," he said. "When you mentioned them , I had started looking. But there's nothing there…"

"Huh?"

My hands immediately went up to my head and into my hair, and sure enough no ears. They were back to the sides of my head, which is great since now I feel like rubbing my head.

"Carlisle I'm not crazy. I know it sounds crazy but I had dog ears! And claws! Fangs too! You believe me right!?"

I was trying to not hyperventilate but now I was checking further. My tongue kept moving over perfectly human teeth and my nails were perfectly normal, human nails. No claws, just nails. Carlisle looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"I am NOT crazy!" I screamed suddenly before wondering if maybe I was. Did I dream the whole thing?

One look at Carlisle and his appearance, no longer pure perfection, I knew I must still be still stuck in a nightmare or wide awake. The rancid smell didn't seem like anything I would even think up, and one pinch to my skin that was no longer marble told me this was all real..

"Just calm down, take deep breaths," Carlisle stated before starting to administer a few tests, "I don't believe you're crazy. "

He took my temperature quickly and efficiently before looking at it." Not with a temperature of 102 F...and…" he listened to my heart next and his worried tone was evident, "An actual pulse that wasn't there before. I thought I heard another heart beat..."

"She called me a werewolf…" I blurted out, it felt strange even saying it.

"Impossible, I've seen werewolves and trust me you never want to see one. They're vicious, with no reason, no memory of even turning under the full moon. You would have torn Jacob apart without a thought last night." Carlisle started taking blood samples while my mind went from worry about the imprint, to what I was, to wondering who tried to kill me.

"Wait, last night?" I looked confused.

Carlisle just nodded and looked at the samples under a microscope in comparison to others. My eyes briefly to where he got the blood from, clearly I wasn't made of marble anymore.

"Did it hurt? I had to use a thicker needle, your skin's as durable as Jacob's. And yes last night; it was a full moon."

"No, I didn't feel anything really," Not really looking at the blood as I felt more queasy. I hated the sight of blood yet became a vampire, it seemed a dumber decision now just based on that. My mind went to the full moon and how I don't have my ears anymore. I wondered if it was related at all.

"This can't be right…."

Carlisle said so soft and I knew I couldn't be human because I heard every word as if he was saying it right in front of me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"So far everything is pointing to you either being a wolf or some kind of hybrid….but you're not shaking near any of us. Any anger or other differences?" Carlisle looked back at me as I bit my lip.

Do I tell him? Do I say, I'm not angry or anything but you definitely look dead now or at least like you should be dead and not walking around.

"I need you to be honest with me Bella," Carlisle tried a comforting tone as I sighed.

"Well, you stink now." My nose wrinkled in agreement as he laughed.

"Yes, well you don't smell that great now either but at least now I can put Edward's fears to rest. Initially since you smelled so much like a wolf, he thought…" Carlisle trailed off as my eyes widened upon realization that Edward would actually think I might have slept with Jacob and then I got angry.

"WHY WOULD HE EVEN THINK THAT!?"

"You have to understand Bella….we were all so worried. We searched for days, no sign of you or Jacob. Renesmee strangely at one point went from pain from the imprint to starting to feel fine as though nothing was wrong. Then you finally appear with Jacob and smell like a wolf."

"So you guys immediately think I did something!?" I stood up fast, taking a huge breath as I started to pace the floor while clenching my fists together. I wasn't shaking like Jake would by this point, if I did I would have phased a long time ago.

"We just know what we see Bella," Carlisle tried to sound comforting and apologetic as it dawned on me what he meant. They knew. They saw it. They could tell.

_Are you really surprised they noticed?_ My mind supplied making me growl a moment as Carlisle rose a brow slightly but besides that was still as a statue. I never noticed until now how unnerving it looked, especially with the new appearance.

Taking another deep breath I sat down; no I wasn't surprised. With mine and Jake's history and with how I went between both men, then a sudden disappearance, it seemed likely. I thought back to Edward's face when I told him I didn't want him to come, I frowned at the thought that Edward probably saw it as confirmation.

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked.

Once again I was taken out of my thoughts as I tried to figure out how to get the words out. Deciding I rather not I just shook my head no, hoping lack of words would let my lie slip by. If he noticed he didn't say anything, sighing softly as he looked over the results again.

"I'm sorry I don't have more answers for you Bella, but I'll keep looking and search through a few books. I just never heard anything like this before."

"Thanks Carlisle," I gave a smile, hoping he'd know I appreciate it. It was already more than the nothing I had. At least I thought so.

"Far as I see though, this isn't temporary."

"So I'm stuck this way? My heart wont just stop?" I was blown away at the news. Then a fleeting thought crossed my mind more out of curiosity than anything, "What if I get more venom in me?"

"Now this is actually the amazing part, I added venom to a sample of blood I got from you. And nothing, you're immune to venom. I'm sorry Bella but a vampire is now out of the question for you."

That information should have had me frowning, sad at the loss of my fairy tale I gave up everything for but strangely I felt a weight lift. I could see my mother. I could hug my dad. Less lies to tell. I didn't have to go back to high school again after finishing this damn class. I saw a few more things even open up for me I never thought of before. Possibilities…

I had possibilities…

"Are you okay Bella? I promise to keep looking."

One look at Carlisle and I knew he mistook my quietness for sadness, at least that's what I think his expression was. I gave him a nod, and went to leave him to his studies. Hopefully he'd figure something out, I was more glad he wasn't trying for a hug. For both our sake.

I seriously wanted to get out this house…

No I NEEDED to get out….Too many vampires. As much as I hated to admit it, I had a feeling that's what had me so wired. So not at ease. It was as if I was more aware of every sound around me, and I felt faster and stronger.

_Was my body preparing for a fight?_ I shook the thought away as I hurried to make my way outside. I moved farther away from the mansion even as I heard the shouting of my name.

Trees blurred along with colors of the forest, I knew I had to stop. Taking in a deep breath of air to relax myself, I leaned against a tree. There was a small movement. I moved instinctively into a crouched, growling as I lowered my body in position with my teeth showing. The smell of pine and home filled my nostrils making me relax once more as Jake came into view.

"This feels like deja vu…"

Jake took a look around, his words making me search a bit more than usual. Only I would be stupid enough to do the same thing twice. But as tired as I felt all I could do is nod, relaxed again so I could lean again on the tree.

"Have you seen Renesmee?" he asked.

I shook my head, my chest tightening at my daughter's name. I pictured her hating me and I couldn't face that. Yet at the same time, I was also glad she didn't have Jacob anymore. It was so selfish and I don't denying it. Still, I wanted to see my daughter though but there was that thought rearing its ugly head. Would she have those same haunted eyes? Every time I close my eyes now it was all I was seeing. Sunken in eyes with dull amber, lifeless and glazed over from…

Death.

"You should.."

I looked in his direction, before at my fingers. Fear was gripping me.

"I'm scared…" I breathed out the words, wishing he'd make a move towards me.

My mind screaming for him to give me some comfort but he looked everywhere except directly at me. My heart took a plunge as I started holding myself wordlessly.

"They've always looked that way Bella...but Renesmee is different."

"Sure that isn't what's left over from the imprint?" My bitterness came out before I could stop it and Jacob growled.

"What the fuck is your problem Bella!? You finally got me too, you want a medal!?"

"You know that's not it!" I growled back, my temper rising to meet his.

"Then what the fuck is it!?"

"YOU KNOW!"

"UNLIKE YOUR LEECH I CAN'T READ MINDS!"

"You always read mine!" I cried, feeling tears falling. I thought I had none left. "You won't even look at me! YOU BARELY WANT TO TOUCH ME!" I screamed at him, as his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Call your husband" he glared, spinning on his heel to storm away before I grabbed hold of him.

"ITS NOT HIM I WANT!" I shouted, then all seem to go quiet with the forest included. Jacob didn't move, staying still as I saw his form blurring before I gave his arm a small soothing caress. The shaking died down as he started to clench and unclench his fists before turning back to face me , nostrils flaring as he recoiled back away from me.

"You think this fixed things? You think just because FINALLY you saw the damn light and believed what I TOLD you was gonna happen all along I'm supposed to do what Bella!?" he started to smirk coldly. "Kiss you? Hug you? Want me to roll the fuck over and play dead!?"

Then he started to laugh, it was so out of place and unhinged. Did the imprint fix anything? Nothing at all?

"Jake…" I whispered not liking the broken man in front of me. How bad did I break him? Just how bad? "If you just listen…"

"Save it!" he shouted suddenly, his laughter stopping. "I didn't need magic to tell me you were enough. You didn't have to change for me, you didn't have to do anything...but live. I don't even know why I came out here…" he mumbled the last sentence before going to leave.

"JAKE PLEASE!" I started to whine, moving to follow before he suddenly stopped again.

"How does it feel?" he said softly.

"What?" I looked confused.

"My love wasn't enough for you. And this imprint…" I could feel my heart breaking more as he continued "it's not enough for me." He said before phasing quickly and running off, leaving behind shredded clothing.

I stood there, dumbfounded.

How could the imprint be not enough? My face was getting more wet with tears, unable to comprehend what was happening. He should be forgiving me right now right? We should be Jake and Bells again now.

That should have been the simple part, I felt it should have been.

_So it's his fault for finally telling you no?_ My mind spoke up.

I nearly growled at myself before stopping. No...it was my fault. No matter how many times I tried switching it and replaying it, I found I couldn't blame him.

I couldn't blame him for not wanting to try again. I couldn't blame him for wanting to protect his self, and as much as it hurt to admit it. I was wrong for thinking imprinting would be like some kind of magical juice.

Just spray and everything is magically better, with all little loose ends tied up in a bow. No this was going to get ugly and knew it. Taking another breath of fresh air, I wiped my cheeks. Exhaustion hit me again. I needed rest and my stomach growled making its own complaints as well.

This time with no Jake I took the walk back home, not bothering to run as I made it there finally. Slipping inside, I suddenly wished vampires could sleep, so I could just sneak in. Some higher power must took pity because no crowd came down. Not even Jacob…

He was right, I needed to see my daughter. Ignoring the smell best could, I made my way to the bathroom taking a look in the mirror half expecting 5 more inches and a tan but I wasn't so lucky. I was back to looking like plain, ordinary Bella. For some reason that didn't bother me as much as it used to, and I tried turning the hot water on me to shower. Hoping with the grime, I could wash away the days as well.

Getting out the shower, I went to get dressed then maybe find something to eat. But then there came a voice stopping me in my tracks.

"Mom, you look different."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. Thank you for the reviews. I would also like to thank my beta reader. This is my first story so constructive criticism is welcomed!

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><p>How had I just now noticed? Her voice sent my nerves into over drive yet I still didn't move from the fridge. I tried to steady my breathing, the refrigerated air only tickled my skin.<p>

"Mom?" Renesmee's voice no longer seemed to carry that bell like undertone.

For a brief moment I thought about climbing into the refrigerator itself and kicking out the little man who turns off the light but you could never catch him. I nearly laughed, my hands shaking slightly with the thought being turned over in my head. My nerves were on end while I was painfully very aware of her presence now with no way to get out of this moment. I wasn't ready to face this, face her…

No, I had to do this. I couldn't run from my daughter. The guilt started to creep in from me even wanting to in the first place.

My stomach rumbled reminded me why I was at the fridge in the first place. I bite my lip and my hands shook as I swallowed harshly. I tried to move quickly, just in case I changed my mind; my heart raced while standing upright from the fridge. I hissed as my head hit the top of it. Turning to face her, I could see the frown and confusion. I rubbed my head while looking in her direction.

"...What's going on?" her brows furrowed, chocolate brown eyes looking back at my own that reflected hers. It was more than my lack of grace that had her startled; a few wisps of auburn hair threatened to escape a perfect ponytail I could never pull off.

What could I tell her? Where even to begin? I selfishly prayed that she was too young to understand. That her mind was stuck at the nearly two years of age she was and her preteen body understood even less. But one look at her appearance and relief shot through me.

_No haunted eyes…_

_No sickly skin..._

I looked back at the open fridge then back at Renesmee, my stomach objected as it growled as I closed the door. I took a bold step forward, pulling her against me. Suddenly as my arms went around her while trying to ignore the shocked expression on her face.

"Your stomach ju-…"

"Shhh…" I interrupted, clenching my eyes tight while holding back the tears that threatened to come. I felt smaller arms move around me, and that only made me want to cry more. I wanted to hold her even closer.

"Mom you're scaring me…"

I looked down then, my fingers touching her cheeks. Just inhaling her scent that nearly brought me to tears; even more than the innocent eyes that blinked, or the frustrated breath she took. My hands shakily went to her cheeks and I couldn't feel a difference between our temperatures. I knew I needed to say something soon. Renesmee looked at me more worried with each touch I gave her.

"Sorry…" I breathed out, trying to steady my voice for what I needed to say. I felt like I needed to clarify, my apology list was far too long. "Didn't mean to…" I kissed the top of her head, before pulling back.

Still worry was beneath her eyes; my baby was too smart.

Taking another deep breath, I moved my hand to take her own. I noticed how she bit her own lip with a thoughtful expression; it reminded me too much of myself. Moving to the kitchen table I pulled chairs for us both before sitting, giving her hand another tight squeeze for comfort. Hers or mine, I wasn't even sure.

But I was still so relieved. "You look so alive…"

My next words had her looking confused. I couldn't blame her, I knew I had to be confusing her even more with the soft touch of my hand, and the flush of my cheeks.

Then came awkward silence, still I wasn't letting her hand go. Her eyes looked downwards at our hands touching. I looked down myself, noticing the color of our skin. No longer contrasting as my thumb rubbed over her hand. Her skin didn't feel so hot to mine now, and I couldn't help but love it.

"Momma?" I looked up at her worried eyes and her biting her lip. I was scaring her, worrying her, but I had no clue what to say.

"I'm not…" I took a deep breath to steady my words, "I'm not a vampire anymore…"

I didn't even need to say it, you could take one look at me and tell. Then add the beating heart, no longer golden eyes and skin that didn't feel like marble. It was a dead giveaway. My own hand started shaking as I held hers tighter. I could do this. I needed to explain. I was her mother. I kept wishing for a moments to be a real mother, and now I have one. I could almost laugh at myself now. This was so messy, just so messy…

"I don't get it…"

I didn't even hear the confusion in her voice or the question. I'm standing here, so caught up in my thoughts about how to tell about the imprint. I was sure this would turn her world upside down.

"Mom"

I blinked staring at her a moment as I came out of my thoughts.

"..how?" her eyes went over me. I could almost see her mind working trying to piece together the puzzle, her frown mirroring my own when I would come up blank.

My mouth opened to answer before closing again, telling my daughter someone was hell-bent on killing me and accidentally turned me into...something didn't seem smart. At that thought my hand shook more.

_Hellbent on killing me..._

_The person who tried to kill me is still out there..._

_The person who wanted me dead and probably wants to finish the job is still out there…_

My heart started racing as my hands shook more. _How could I forget that? How did I not think about THAT? _

"Mom? Whats wrong? Mom!?" Renesmee's voice got more alarmed with each word. "Help! Mom needs help!"

"No!" I shouted suddenly, holding on tight to my daughter's hand as I pulled her along behind me.

"Mom what are you doing!?"

"Shh!" I said to her.

It wasn't that I hated my family but the idea of them touching me right now wasn't something I wanted. I moved quickly with Renesmee behind me, picking one of the few spare rooms before letting go of Renesmee's hand to close the door behind us and locking it. I would have laughed, but I would even take the illusion of security right now as I leaned against the door. I was lucky no one had come to check.

I was unsurprised to see my daughter staring at me; curiosity was written over her face. And fear.

_Fear for me?_ I wondered. _Fear for what I was going to say?_

"Mom you're scaring me. What's going on!?" her face held determination and I wasn't even surprised.

"Are you going to say anything?" she folded her arms underneath her chest.

The beginnings of womanhood were beginning to show. I wondered for a moment could this count as a teenager's tantrum and the thought made me sad. I hated how fast she was growing no matter that it was starting to slow down a bit.

"Mom!"

I gave her my attention at the sound of her calling me. I couldn't think of how best to approach this. Girls her age dreamed of princes, right? And that's what Jake was, he was her guaranteed prince. The one thing she was supposed to know would never go away, would stay unchanging. I took a deep breath, watching her bite her lip nervously.

"Renesmee…"

"Ness "she sighed dramatically as she corrected me for maybe the umpteenth time, almost making me roll my eyes at Jake's and my father's influence. I wouldn't start that argument with her today.

"Sweetie, come here please," I held out my hand to her as she hesitantly took it while aware of the stench outside this room and slightly lingering in it while glad that it had never been officially used. It wasn't ideal, but at least I could breathe easier.

Squeezing Renesmee's hand I kept my tone as gentle as I could, "You know I would never hurt you intentionally….."

Her brow furrowed while nodding her head, "I know…"

_You know this is going to go badly. You have a crazy girl wanting to kill you and you took your daughter's future away,_ my mind stated the obvious before I made a face but I had to keep talking or I would never get the words out.

"When I was younger, there was...I mean to say. Jake and I were ...you know how I told you me and Jake were best friends?" I was hoping she remembered while holding her hand a bit tighter.

"Yes, and when I was born he imprinted on me." I thought for a moment I saw a look on her face before she kept talking. "You and father already told me this story."

"There's something I should tell you. After I woke up like this." I saw her nod though I still think she found my appearance unbelievable. I was having a hard time believing it myself.

"Jake imprinted on me sweetie."

I had barely forced the words out before Renesmee snatched her hand from me, her mouth opened wide. Her hand went immediately to her mouth while looking around - to the door behind me, to the window, back to the door - everywhere, but me. Her eyes went to the door behind me to the window then back at the door. I tried coming closer to her but she only recoiled from me. She shook her head as a hand went into her hair, making strands escape the ponytail she sported.

"Just...move," her voice came out a whisper that if I was human I wouldn't have heard it.

"Please listen..." my eyes pleaded.

I hated the idea of her angry at me. I reached for her arm but she snatched it away. Shaking her head as I came closer before pushing past me making me stumble. Giving her time to grab the door knob and force the door open to slam against the wall as she ran out.

Picking myself up quickly I ran right after her, shouting her name just as a door slammed in my face. Familiar arms pulled me back, keeping me from breaking down my daughter's door when I heard the lock.

"Jake, let me go! I have to talk to her!"

"No…"

"No!?" I tried twisting around just so he could see the look on my face. _He couldn't be serious._

"Just give her a minute..." he growled out.

I could hear the annoyance in his tone at me, but I didn't care.

"I need to fix this!" I screamed.

I kept trying to get away. I was tempted to hit him when his arms held me tighter. I was fighting the urge to just lean into him, it hurt badly to know she was shutting me out. She wasn't letting me be there for her when I know she needed me.

"Can you stop thinking about yourself for once!?" Jake yelled finally letting me go.

Jake moved in front of Renesmee's door. His eyes dark, challenging me to try to get past him. But I only stared at him.

_About me? How dare he think that's what I'm doing!_

"I'm thinking of her!" I finally yelled.

"Really?" he glared at me with a cold, hardened expression. "It has nothing to do with the fact she's pissed at you, and you can't stand it?"

My eyes narrowed at him as he looked back at me. For a moment I questioned him: _how was he going against me at all_. Memories of how Jake would readily do anything Renesmee asked of him came to mind as I observed my ex-best friend. I wasn't ready to admit he was right.

"Yea, that's what I thought…" he stated; his eyes never left mine.

I barely caught the strain in his voice but I could feel it was there. He was fighting our imprint. The words he said last echoed at me at how it wasn't enough. He had been fighting it since then….

That realization struck me, my eyes widened at him in fear. _Could he break it? Would he? Did our imprint mean nothing to him?_

"You just told your daughter that I'm your imprint and you don't see how fucked up that is? No, of course you don't. You're too damn worried about her being mad at you!"

Was he begging me to try to understand what this could be doing to Renesmee? How it could be hurting her? But I had worried, I was worried…

_Only until you were hurting from her shutting you out…_

I close my eyes a moment before looking down to open them as I gazed at my feet. Yea, I knew it was messed up. I had just been in her position not that long ago. Having to watch the boy I didn't choose and couldn't have. Jealous of my own daughter. I wrapped my arms around myself feeling ashamed of my actions the more I thought about it. _When didn't I put me first? I was good at it._

"Bella?"

My eyes looked up at Jake, he hadn't budged from the spot he was in. His eyes started searching mine as though looking for something. He seemed to frown after a moment, I wonder if he had found it. Was that pity in his eyes? I didn't want it.

"You're right." I swallowed thickly watching him nod at me. "Everything's" I shook my head as though it'd finally make everything clearer "just such a mess." I laughed though it was hollow, leaning back against the wall opposite of Jake.

"Yea, it is" he sighed while I looked down again.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

By now the stench should have been unbearable and they should have come running to see what was going on. Especially Rose, she wouldn't be too happy about Renesmee.

"Out looking."

_Out looking? _They couldn't be…

"For?" I looked back up quickly, hoping I was wrong.

For a moment the girl who could kill vampires had left my mind during the whole imprint issue with Renesmee.

"You already know. They were already making plans as soon as you told Carlisle," his eyes darkened at the last sentence.

I was pretty sure Jake had wanted to go with them, or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part that he would want to protect me after all this.

"Wait, they made plans and no one told me!?"

Jake looked amused a moment. "You should be used to it. Your husband loves to keep you in the dark remember. As soon as he came back, I guess he read Carlisle's mind. He talked to the pixie. She saw something and he was already giving orders to leave and find that girl." Jake snorted. "I told them we need to let you know what was going on, but of course they listen to the leech."

Jake mumbled those last words and I didn't even say anything about the leech comment. I was too angry at the fact that once again, I was left in the dark. Once again they all followed Edward's advice. _Whose coven was this again!? _I wondered

"You look pissed Bells," Jake laughed

"Screw you Black!" I growled because right now I hated him for being right, trying to ignore his slip of tongue.

"Sure sure," he actually laughed, but the phrase only sent a pain through me as past memories came to mind.

For a moment it was silent. I wondered how long I should wait before talking to Renesmee, while thinking about how this whole thing could have been avoided.

"I should have picked you…" I whispered.

"You loved the le-Edward."

I bit my lip nervously, "I was scared Jake."

"Of what!?" he looked at me confused.

"Isn't it obvious?" I had looked back down.

"Imprinting," he said with a sigh, "I figured that…I used to just stare at you, hoping it would happen"

"I remember," I was scared to look back up, a sad smile on my face. "You promised you'd never imprint, that you'd fight it."

I gave a bitter laugh then. _Did he fight the imprint on my daughter at all?_

"I didn't fight," he admitted so softly I barely caught it. I felt like cold water had been doused on me.

"You said you'd fight for me! You said 'till my heart stops beating!" I wanted to hit him as I screamed as the truth pierced me, my fists clenching together as I felt claws starting to pierce my palms.

"Even then," he shook his head at my sudden actions, while repeating words from long ago.

"Then what changed!?"

He rose a brow at me shouting before his tone became sarcastic "Oh where should I start." He put a finger to his chin as he tapped it. "The time you married a leech? No...Wait...you got pregnant by said leech. Nope can't be it." He paused again. "I got it." He snapped his fingers. "Maybe it was when I asked you do you feel anything, and you said you felt nothing! Nada! Need me to make that shit clearer!?"

"You said it was all her!" I growled, feeling my fangs lengthen as I continued to fight the urge to hit him. I knew I had been blind, but I couldn't have been that blind. I refused to believe it.

"WHAT THE HELL I WAS GONNA SAY!?" He got closer to me as I stood my ground. "Good for you but I still want you!? That I still love you!? That the fucking imprint didn't erase shit!"

"You were like Sam…" my voice came out soft as realization dawned on me, the fight leaving out of me. "Jake, I'm…"

_I was that blind...worse than I thought._

"Don't Bella...just don't," He looked away from me then. I knew he didn't want another apology so I closed my mouth. I knew he was right. How didn't I see it? No amount of apologies would change the past. It was done. My tongue moved across my teeth, before looking at my nails. Only the small disappearing marks in my palm told me I hadn't totally lost my mind.

"I'm tired of fighting with you…"

I looked up at him. "But sorry can't fix it…can it?"

"It can't."

"I forgave you for forcing a kiss on me." When I saw him wince, I knew I threw a low blow and I shouldn't have. "Jake, I shouldn't have said that..."

"Why? It's the truth. I'll never forgive myself for that. Charlie should have locked me up."

"Jake I forgave you…." I frowned while reaching in my pocket, fingering the wolf charm there. I never feared accidentally leaving it in my pockets for Edward to find, never mind how selfish it was to keep it close all this time.

"Yea, I know." he went quiet a moment before changing the subject. "You're ready?"

I looked at the door behind Jake while noticing him starting to move away from it. _Was he still beating his self up for every mistake he made with me?_ As much as I was hoping he wasn't, I wasn't so sure.I shook my head at his question.

"No" I bit my lip, honestly I was scared to death of her reaction. "But I don't like my baby hurting. And…" I took a deep breath while looking at Jake. "I think its best you not be here while I talk to her. Bad enough she heard all of….this."

For a moment I thought Jake was going to argue but he just gave a smile. "Sure sure."

I looked confused for a moment. I decided not to question him about it as I made my way to the door to knock. He left down the hallway.

"And Bells..."

My head turned fast to him, but I held down that hope again. Renesmee was more important. As much as I might wanted him to stay this was best. I didn't want to hurt her anymore and I was sure all she heard made it no better.

"Listen to her. Okay?"

"Alright Jake." I nodded while inwardly hating that he knew how to handle my daughter better than I did. I waited a moment before knocking on the door.

"Ness, can we talk. Please?" I said softly, putting my ear close to the door unnecessarily.

At first I had put down the nickname, thinking of it more as Jake's and Charlie's influence. But now I was wondering more and more about my own judgment. As much as I loved the name Renesmee, she clearly didn't care much for it.

_You mean like how you hate being called Isabella._ Even my own mind was annoying me but then I heard the movement of feet and the door being unlocked. And then feet moving away from the door, taking this as an invitation I went ahead and let myself inside.

Taking a look at my daughter's room, there were still some stuffed animals. I even saw cartoons in a corner storage, it made me wonder when she got that. I always thought Renesmee's tastes were more on the mature side, which matched the worn books on the bookcase against the wall until I saw a few titles that stood out against the classics there. I was pretty sure "Dr. Seuss" wasn't heavy reading these days. The papers of an unfinished composition was no surprise but the coloring book under it made me pause.

Renesmee saw where my eyes were going and moved to cover it better with the composition papers on her desk but we both knew I already saw it. I sat on the edge of her bed. The bedspread itself was lavender, with no colorful and bold prints, but as I looked in the corner of the bed I saw a small, colorful blanket peeking out with little animals. _Did she sleep with a blanket still?_ This only made me more confused before looking at her as she sat close beside me, her hair down now.

Her auburn hair was reminding me of her father and I had to take another breath. Right now I had to worry about Renesmee, I would worry about Edward later. I fought against wrapping my arms around myself as my fears tried to push to the front of my mind, I didn't want to worry my daughter with my fears. Part of me was hoping that the family would be able to find that girl. My gut though was telling me not to find comfort in that hope. I needed to concentrate on what was in front of me, the rest had to wait...

_One thing at a time Bella,_I told myself as I took another deep breath.

"Ness..," I wasn't even sure if this was going to make things worse or not. "I know how you feel."

"You do?" her eyes widen before attempting to regain her composure.

"Yes I do. It sucks," I couldn't even think of a better word for it. "You feel like everything is written in stone, and then it turns out nothing's the same. And everything has changed, so now you have to try to figure out how to hold yourself together after you made so many pl-"

"I don't feel like that. "She shook her head.

"You don't?" I looked at her in disbelief and saw how she fidgeted under my stare. "You don't have to lie to me, I've seen how imprinting works and I understand if you're mad at me or even...hate me."

"I don't hate you mom." Renesmee said before adding quickly "I'm not even mad at you "but still she wasn't looking at me.

"You don't have to lie." I repeated, hoping to get through to her. I didn't care how many times she went to Jacob or Rose, I would help her this time. I was determined.

"I'm not lying. I was shocked. I..." She took a deep breath as I watched her bite her bottom lip before speaking again "I'm not mad so just forget it. Please?" she pleaded while turning her chocolate brown eyes on me, and I nearly gave in before strengthening my resolve.

"What aren't you telling me? I know I'm not Rose," _or Jake,_ I told myself. "But you can talk to me too."

"Aunt Rose is the last person I would tell..." she mumbled as she looked back down. I wondered if she knew she was fidgeting again.

"Since when don't you tell Rose something?!" I tried not to raise my voice, but that news was a shock.

"I just can't" she emphasized each word , leaning more against the wall as her fingers lightly touched the hidden blanket. "You wouldn't understand!" she cried out suddenly, standing up and starting to pace back and forth.

"What wouldn't I understand!? I know it changes the original plans..."

"See!"

"See what!? If you're in love him, I understa-"

"In love him!?" she grimaced. "I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM LIKE THAT!" her hands went into the air in frustration as I stared speechless.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. Thank you for the reviews. Hopefully this one doesn't have too many mistakes if it does , I'll be sure to edit it again though I did my best. I'm looking for a beta reader now. I'm glad about anyone enjoying the story and I'm sorry it takes me awhile to update.

Edit: Found someone to help with this chapter and trying to do updates.

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><p>I wasn't sure of how much time had passed with my mouth hanging open. They had imprinted and she was supposed to love him. Wasn't she? Didn't she? How much did I even know about shapeshifters? My mind tried to come up with bits and pieces of information as I struggled to find them before giving up.<p>

"What about your plans? A wedding and…" I knew I was grasping for straws. Anything that would make sense to me at the moment.

"Those were never my plans. Those were yours and dad's...and..." she sighed a bit sitting down "Aunt Rose."

"But why not?"

"He changed my diapers."

"What?" I looked at her, wondering what she was getting at.

"He changed my diapers mom! Changed me! I peed on his hand, he's seen my lady parts before they were this!" She gestured to her chest that was starting to develop. "And you guys want me to marry him?! I do NOT have daddy issues!"

Was it possible to be relieved and fearful all at once? To have so many emotions pour out that you find yourself scrambling for anything stable? I hated the idea of Jake and Renesmee but with even my daughter finding the idea repugnant,the emotion was fueled.

"You don't love Jake?" I don't know why I bothered repeated it. But I had to make sure, be sure that this wasn't something I just wanted to hear to make it easier.

"He's like my uncle!" Renesmee's face turned as though sick to her stomach. I had to wonder if in a few years she would have still been saying that. Or would she still be sickened by it. My thoughts went to Emily then to even Claire, especially Claire.

"Aunt Alice has our wedding planned already..."

That part didn't surprise me, I still remembered my own wedding. And all the say I had in it that amounted to zero.

_That's actually your fault_, my mind reminded me.

"Does your father know?" Edward was only fine with Jacob because of Renesmee, I wasn't naive enough to think different. Small arguments came to mind of other times that included Jacob and Renesmee. My husband was all for the bond, I was always reluctant. I was jealous and disturbed by it, no matter how much I tried to be okay with it. I wondered could any mother be okay with it? But I selfishly agreed, I had my best friend. He was staying. But now at the thought of Jacob leaving….

I clutched my chest, the thought of it hurt. I had always needed my personal sun, but then my eyes fell on Renesmee she looked defeated at the mentioning of Edward.

"No," she whispered with a frown marring her face. "He likes the plan."

I shut my eyes a moment, I could easily go along with Edward. It wasn't as if Jake was forgiving me. My family could protect me from that girl while we figured out what was wrong with me. Jake would have to stay because of the imprint, even if he hated it. We could make it where nothing had to change.

My eyes opened to see Renesmee using the back of her hand to wipe away some tears that had fell. I knew my husband loved our daughter, she was our miracle. But I knew he could be…

_A controlling obsessed asshole?_ my mind supplied, making me growl.

This wasn't right. I didn't want Jacob to leave. I really didn't. But this wasn't about me. I thought of Jake again and how he didn't want this either. He never liked imprinting. Moving closer to Renesmee, I pulled my daughter into my arms as she cried. Every tear making me regret my choices even more as my arms wrapped tighter around her.

Memories of my own fears of marriage came to mind, as well as Charlie. Did it hurt him to watch me get married? Did he know I was going against my own beliefs? I already knew the answer, and watching Renesmee now only made me angry at myself while giving me the strength to get out what needed to be said.

"You don't have to marry him…" I started softly. "You have plenty of time before you even have to worry about that."

"What time!? Have you looked at me!?" she pulled away, her eyes puffy with wet cheeks.

"I have. And that just means you should value your time more."

"You got turned at 18! " I winced at my reasoning, glad she didn't know every reason behind me turning. Was I being a hypocrite right now? Telling my daughter she had all the time in the world, when I had acted so differently. I sighed inwardly, I wanted her to be better than me.

"You're right and...sometimes…" I took a deep breath before getting the words out " I wish I didn't." I watched her eyes grow wide a moment as memories came to my own mind. _Is it really just sometimes? _My mind voiced along with some more choice thoughts. I tried ignoring them as I continued. "You have all the time in the world to get married one day...if thats something you want."

"Dad won't agree to that"

"Thats just too bad for him then," I shrugged to hide the nervousness to my voice while Renesmee's brow rose at me. I nearly frowned at her reaction.

_Is me going against Edward's wishes that unthinkable? Did Renesmee think I was that much of a doormat? _I started to frown more with each thought.

"Why so surprised?" I looked at her as she averted her eyes from me, moving my hands elsewhere so not to fold my arms across my chest.

"You never tell dad no. Not even if you hate it , so I just thought..." she trailed off.

"I'd agree with him." I finished her sentence softly, my heart hurt at her else saw me this way? Just her? Jacob? Other family members? Or maybe even the pack? Could I even change my daughter's opinion at least?

"I would do anything for you Ness."

"Sure…" she said so softly that I barely caught it. I tried not to get angry at her. She still didn't believe me, and it hurt. She laid on her bed, turning her face into the pillow as I heard her soft cries. I swore to myself and her that I would speak to Edward.

Time had passed with me unsure what next to say, and eventually she had fallen asleep. I wanted to pick her up and tell her that I would never let anything touch her like before. It wasn't even so long ago when she needed to be picked up. I leaned in to kiss her head, taking a deep breath as I pulled back quickly while covering my nose.

No, no, no...my mind was screaming. I didn't want to accept it as I fought back tears. I just wanted this small thing. Just this. I leaned in again, breathing in more of her scent even as I felt a need to defend myself or fight while my claws started to shift. I pulled my face from her hair again, taking in air and fooling myself with the part of her scent that smelled more like me.

My claws receded back to normal as I got up from the bed. It felt so out of control even as I thought back to Jake's words about the wolves being built to kill vampires. They were shifters but if Kira was right…

My mind went back to girl who left and then to the one who tried to kill me. I tried to picture a face with blonde hair but it kept coming up blurry as I held my chest remembering how close I came to dying before trying to calm myself again.

Leaving Renesmee's room, I still felt on edge. The smell wasn't helping any as it seemed to stick to every surface. It was not surprising considering all the vampires that lived here, but there was still a small part of me that hoped for some magic fix. Or at least a giant fan.

I thought of leaving to find Jake. I was more than tempted to, but I knew that wouldn't help things. I needed to be here when Edward got back.

Jake said Alice saw something but I wondered what since she couldn't see me. That also could be because of Jake, but then that would mean she could see nothing that had to do with me. The more I thought about it, the more questions that came with nothing really answered. I started down the stairs before just sitting on the steps trying to think more.

_And where was Jake? _I wondered. An angry howl made me jump to my feet and start for the door before I came screeching to a halt _What was I doing? _The sound turned more feral, and something was screaming for me to go to it. To protect. My eyes went to the stairs that lead to Renesmee's room.

_What's wrong with me? _I took a deep breath, feeling the urge to fight. To protect. The howl sounded closer now, I could barely contain my own growl . Taking one more look towards the stairs, a war started in me.

Stay or go? What about Renesmee?

I stopped walking again finding myself at the door. When did I even start walking to the door?

Maybe just one peek? Opening it carefully, I peeked out while slowly inching outside trying to listen out for anything at all as my eyes searched the woods surrounding the house. Hearing nothing at all, my pulse raced and I tried to ignore how my hands were shaking with newly formed claws. With one hand still on the door knob, I moved back inside, shutting the door quickly.

Nothing. No sound at all. Not even the howl. _Wait, the howl? _I shook my head of that question, unsure why I wanted for some peace of mind. My own breathing seemed louder. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Hello?" my voice came out more timid than I would have liked as I looked around the living room. I was going crazy. Or I had stepped into a horror film. I didn't depend on my nose, the stench of rotting decay was all over and hadn't changed. I stepped away from the door slowly to look around the living room.

"Bella!"

"Ahhhh!" I moved before I registered it and swung out with my eyes closed while continuing to scream. I never paused, the memory of that girl leading me to the flames pushed me to keep going. I kept kicking before being pinned down at my legs , I moved with my claws to shred through them just as my legs came free again. I kept moving my hands as a blunt force came to my head.

"LET GO!" I swore I felt the flames licking at my skin, I was going to die this time. No one to help me.

"Bella I'm not holding you…."

"Huh?" I went still as I dared open my eyes at the sound of Edward's voice which sounded strange to me as I took in the sight of the overturned furniture, the damage against the walls and finally to the curtains, especially the ones around me. I still didn't look at Edward, I could supply the image without looking. Gone was my Adonis. I wouldn't have minded staying ignorant. His words suddenly hit me as I thought back.

_Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that. _

"Oh my god…" I breathed out suddenly. " No…" It couldn't be true. But as I weighed the words piece by piece.

"Bella?" I could hear the concern in Edward's voice along with something else that I couldn't put my finger on. A voice that no longer held that musical quality, that velvet undertone was missing. I wasn't happy where my thoughts headed. His smell no longer pulled me in. His face...oh god his face…

"I'm okay…" I whispered as I lied through my teeth. I wasn't okay. Not at all. I felt like a fly that escaped the plant, finally seeing it for what it was. Could you blame the fly? The plant? I closed my eyes trying to collect myself.

"What the hell? It got in?"

"Emmett?" I looked in his direction without thinking as he came closer while looking around . It gave me moment more at least to try to get used to this. But I found myself too busy blinking at his appearance with his clothes ripped in places and..

"WHERE IS YOUR ARM!?"

"No it didnt. Bella had an accident," Edward answered when all I could do was stare at where Emmett's arm should be. I was more disturbed as he started laughing.

"Only you would be a clumsy wolf Bella" he laughed more making me confused.

"We don't know if shes a wolf." Edward growled as Emmett moved closer to me, and I fought against myself not to back away as his hand went to the top of my head. For a moment I thought he looked perplexed before I felt scratching behind my ear that nearly had me closing my eyes with my tongue beginning to peek out before I hit at his chest.

"EMMETT! YOUR ARM IS MISSING AND YOU'RE PETTING ME!?"

"Sorry Bella" he chuckled before looking at Edward. "Dunno a lot Eddy, but I know dogs." He started laughing again as I shook my head. Why wasn't he taking this seriously? His arm was missing!

"It's not that serious Bell…" he grinned.

"Not...that..."I took a deep breath. "You're missing an arm. An ARM!"

"An' soon as I find it, gonna put it back"

"Stop talking about yourself like yo-" At that moment I stopped talking.

"Ya forgot I was a vamp 'tween ya fight with the curtains?" he smirked at me.

"I didn't. Its just been a long day and..." I just shook my head. "Never mind. How did you even lose your arm?"

His grin faded quickly before answering "Bella…" He looked to Edward as he coughed suddenly.

"Love, you've had a long day, and I feel it would be best if yo-" Edward began, while I tried to piece together the tone in his voice. Was it fear? But this was Edward.

"No." I folded my arms across my chest.

"No?" Edward sounded confused while his eyes moved to the door then back to me.

"You heard me."

"Bella." he sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose, making me feel once again like a child who didn't understand. His eyes went to Emmett a moment who was still standing there, before a nod from Edward had him leaving then Edward turned back to me. "I need you to listen.."

"No Edward, you listen.." I was never good at going against something Edward wished but then I thought of my little girl and my resolve strengthened. Edward was stared at me speechless for once before his hands went into his hair. I thought he was going to pull at the strands, but I refused to let this go.

"I NEED to know what's going on. No lies. No Bella your safety. Tell m- !" he grabbed my arm suddenly, the icy touch made me want to yank my hand back but he had already pulled me behind him after a loud sound had come from behind me.

What was in front of us made me forget to breath as my heart raced.

"You wanted to know what was going on...we're going to die." His words sent chills down my spine.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine. I would also like to thank my beta reader. This is my first story so constructive criticism is welcomed!

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><p>I watched it in front of us as I flexed my hand into a fist. I felt claws against my palm while running my tongue across fangs that never truly receded. My mind raced through images filled with severed heads and torn off limbs and though I tried to stop it, the inward war was going on again.<p>

_Protect…_my mind screamed. My hand moved to Edward's arm as my hand started to squeeze to let my claws crack his skin. I gripped harder wanting to tear it off as I started to growl low with my lip moving over my fangs, bearing them.

"Bella!" Edward's voice startled me. I was confused as to what just came over me as I pulled my hand away quickly.

Edward glanced back at me with his brow furrowed before turning back to the beast in front of us. I was still confused at my own actions. _What had happened?_ I heard the heavy paw over the floor, tearing me away from my thoughts quickly as it crept up on us; a predator stalking its prey. Its eyes followed us as we moved backwards and I prayed we didn't hit some piece of furniture.

"Bella when I say run, I want you t-" Edward voice started off softly only to be cut off as a clawed fur covered hand grabbed a hold of his neck. I was knocked backwards before moving my feet quickly and scooting myself further away. I stared as Edward latched on to its arm. His teeth were covered with blood as he ripped off flesh and fur while the beast only snarled. The large gash did nothing to stop it from throwing Edward through the living room wall. My mouth opened wide as I stared at the hole before my eyes snapped back to the beast. Its golden eyes stared back at me narrowed while his ears flattened against his head. Its brows were deeply furrowed as it watched me closely.

It took a step forward and I ignored the urge to go closer to it. My feet pedaled me back further as its nose tilted up more, sniffing the air before it growled turning away from me. I released a breath that I didn't know that I was holding. I started to move while my eyes stayed on it only to catch the sight of auburn hair. Unable to stop myself, my eyes traveled over the object dripping a silver like substance as eyes stared back at me. Quickly my hand went to my mouth so I wouldn't scream. Its claws pierced through its skull more as the crunch of marble made my stomach turn. I couldn't look away from Edward's head caught in the massive hand. Suddenly, a scent caught my attention and inwardly I hoped I was wrong as I turned my head towards where the creature had been growling.

And there was Renesmee.

She stood petrified, her eyes staring at the severed head as I bit my lip. I stared at her, pleading with my eyes for her to move. My voice was stuck in my throat as my mouth moved.

_Where was everyone? Did this thing kill them?_ I could hear my own heart race as dread filled me and, my eyes glanced to Renesmee again. I couldn't think about that now. It growled low as its lupine head suddenly turned to Renesmee with its nostrils flaring before moving towards her. I moved quickly, trying to get between them even as my eyes widened in fright and my heart raced. It lunged just as I saw Renesmee finally move, its jaws locked around her arm as I clawed its face. Its massive head swung as it tossed her against the wall, and I moved in front of her crumpled form.

_Why wasn't she moving_? I growled, taking a look at the dark crimson gashes that were already closing and I felt sorry for it.

_Wait? What?_

Shrugging off the feeling, I kept my eyes on it while inching closer to Renesmee to get us out of there and quickly. I sensed something near, the smell of home overcame my senses nearly relaxing me until my eyes widened.

"JAKE NO!" I screamed too late as I heard the glass shatter from the window before he collided with the werewolf. I didn't want to take a chance I wasn't letting this thing get to her again, so I picked her up and held her tight to me. I didn't even take a moment to look back at Jake and I couldn't. I jumped out that same broken window and took off as soon as my feet touched the ground. I hurried faster. She shivered against me but nothing else. Her body was colder than usual, making it easier to ignore the sounds of growls and snarls fading off.

My hair flew behind me and I wasn't even sure of where to go. But I knew that I had to figure something out The more she shivered, the closer I held her. I hoped my own heat would help even a little .The image of Edward's head still trapped in its claws came to mind as the face turned more into Renesmee's with lifeless eyes making me nearly collide into a tree.I tried ducking every branch and dodging trees as if running from the thought itself. More images of Jake's broken body pushed to the front of my mind while I ignored the tug against my soul telling me to turn back. My eyes blurred from tears as I just kept running.

Finally I stopped running and sunk to my knees as I cried into Renesmee's hair. I wanted to curse everything at that moment, My shoulders shook as I took a deep breath. I got up and tried pushing down the urge to scream. I couldn't do this right now. I looked around, unsure at first before recognizing a few sights. _Why did I run here? _I looked down at Renesmee again and at her arm, noting the gashes were gone but she still wasn't moving. That had me worried, my fingers brushed the hair from her face before looking at the invisible line I knew was there, I had no clue what to do.

I jumped up as I heard something move and held my daughter against me again before I starting to relax.

"How did you get away?" I looked over him quickly for a sign of any bruises, cuts, or worse . Only releasing a breath when I found none, but it only made my brows furrow.

"It just left. I was going to go after it but.."

"You were looking for me " I finished the sentence but it didn't stop me from being confused. _Why let Jake leave?_

"Yea." He nodded before changing the subject. "Is she okay?" his voice interrupted my thinking and I caught sight of his hand slowly reaching over to brush her arm while his eyes stayed on me.

"I don't know…" a frown started as I looked at her.

"We can't stay here. Come on." Jake turned and started moving as I blinked after him a moment staying still.

"Jake I can't go there!"

"Do you see another choice?!" Before I could even make a rebuttal, Jake had spun on his heel to continue moving. My mind went back to that thing with dripping fangs and its lupine ears. _Could it really been a werewolf? _

"But...the others, they mig-"

Jake halted his head snapped to me, "So that thing can come back for Ness!? We need to go somewhere safe!"

"She's half vampire!"

"DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA!?"

"I…" my voice trailed off before I began biting my lip as I clutching Renesmee closer to me.

"Just trust me. Please?" he softened his voice a moment as he looked at me.

_Was going the right decision? Should we have searched out the others?_

At that thought came an image of Edward and those haunted lifeless eyes that stared back at me. I could still hear the crunch of the claws piercing his skull as I made a face and breathed in the air rushing past us before the queasy feeling took over.

I turned my head and loosened my grip on Renesmee a bit, unsure if it was the image or the slight stench. I looked back at him then around. My eyes going to where I knew the old Cullens home led and turned my head again to catch sight of him about to leave.

"Coming."

His shoulders relaxed as he went over the line and I followed.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Meyer owns the characters and anything familiar, everything else is mine.

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><p>"Will you just…" a woman's voice started before yelling louder "Alex! Just wait!"<p>

My ears perked at the familiar voice before we came closer to the Emily and Sam's home. I blinked at the sight of a guy storming out the house. I bumped into Jake, not watching my steps, feeling a hand at my hip steadying me but the warm touch was quickly gone as I felt his hand recede. I decided to concentrate on what was happening instead, ignoring the tingle that spread through me at Jake's simple gesture.

He had turned abruptly on his heel; his eyes had fire behind them as he held his arms to his sides with his fists clenched. As I looked at him longer, I breathed in and a familiar scent came to me as a sense of calm washed over me. I felt at ease and I bit my lip at the involuntary response that I had no clue how to explain. He seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place why as I chewed at my lip more. My thoughts turned back to Renesmee as I held her closer. Her skin was warmer than when we first left the house before getting here to La Push but that warmth could have been from me. I looked down at her, if not for the length of time that had passed and from me seeing her own form go limp suddenly when she crumbled to the floor, I would have thought she was merely sleeping.

"You know him?" Jake's voice was so low human wouldn't have caught it. I shook my head no in response but that feeling kept nudging me. Did I know him? One of Jake's hands lifted to touch Renesmee's head and I watched his brow furrow. "She looks like she's just sleep..." he frowned at the same time I did.

"Why!? For what!?" I looked back at the scene close to us. He was no longer clenching his fists, but his arms were crossed over his chest still glaring at Emily. I kept watching and peering at Emily as she moved to the deck of the house wringing her hands together.

"You don't understand…" her head shook. "Alex just listen..." She pleaded but Alex stayed still while Jake and I watched wordlessly.

"You're right I don't get it! Because my best friend wouldn't do some shit like this!" his hands waved towards Emily's and Sam's house as he made a face. "My best friend wouldn't pretend this shit was okay!" I saw his feet move quickly towards Emily, who covered her face and shook her head furiously. His hands moved towards Emily, and I heard the low growl next to me. It was almost a blur as suddenly Jake was no longer at my side but in between the two of them growling at Alex. I had expected Alex to back away since Jake was a few inches taller and was bigger than him. Jake's muscles tensed and his nostrils flared. Alex hadn't moved an inch from where he was; only straightening up to be at his full height which was still below Jake. Emily's mouth was open as she stared at the two with nothing coming from her mouth.

"Jake…" I came closer, wanting to diffuse the situation as I held Renesmee. I was glad for my own strength as I shifted her in my arms to let me reach forward to touch his bicep. I glanced at Alex wishing he'd back down. The longer this went on, the more Jake would see Alex as a threat to an imprint, a member of the pack. I caressed Jake's arm, feeling his form still but he kept his eyes on who was in front of him. No matter where he goes this is home I thought to myself as my mind decided to add in, Just like it was home for you before you threw it away? I stiffened at the inner monologue, deciding to concentrate instead on what was in front of me. My fingers began drawing circles on Jake's arm as I looked back at Emily, "Are you okay?" I asked.

For a moment she blankly nodded as she looked at Jake and me then to Renesmee in my arms still, "What are you doing here?" I winced inwardly at the surprise. Not Jake. Not Renesmee. Just me. What was I doing here? Was me being home so hard to believe? I kept the frown to myself as best as I could. I barely registered her step backward from me as she looked from me to Renesmee and I heard her heart beat race faster.

"Renesmee fainted and she hasn't woken up since. We needed help."

She paused in her steps, looking more perplexed. Her eyes looked elsewhere as my own followed the direction she was looking in.

"But what about..."

"The Cullens aren't an option" Jake replied quickly but his eyes stayed on Alex, who was no longer looking at Jake but at me. I felt like I should be feeling self-conscious or at least irritated at his stare, instead I felt not bothered at all.

As if finally realizing the problem, Emily moved between the two guys. I saw her take a deep breath, keeping her eyes off me and Renesmee with them only at Jake as she fidgeted. "It's fine, he wasn't hurting me." I heard a snort from Alex's direction. "He's a friend"

Alex looked at Emily as he opened his mouth, then he closed it as his eyes turned back to me. Jake seemed to relax at the declaration and I noticed a slight nod towards Jake. It seemed respectful, but I rolled my eyes at myself. _Why was I trying to decipher a nod?_

Jake hadn't moved from my hand yet, and I hadn't moved it. Instead he moved a bit closer to me but his eyes still never strayed from Alex.

"What are you?"

I blinked at the sudden question, looking confused at Jake as Emily's eyes widen.

"Jake?" I turned to him.

"He smells like Kira" I looked at Alex's brow raise and I finally placed the familiar scent. But if he smelled like Kira….

"Wh-wh-what do you mean? Jake you can't just come back here and star-" Emily stuttered while wildly looking at Alex, moving closer to him. Her posture slightly relaxed once she had grasped his wrist in her hand.

"It's cool Em." he laughed while flashing a quick smile as he slipped a hand into his pocket. He leaned a bit towards Emily, their sides now touching. "So you guys know my sis?"

"Kira's your sister? Are you a..." I stopped before saying it. It was still one thing to hear the vampires talk about these creatures. Those creatures sounded more like they were out a horror story, which made it harder to believe that they even existed at all. Something that Caius would even fear. I held on to Carlisle's words that I was not one.

"Am I a werewolf? No less than you." I felt Emily's eyes on me. Her eyes were slowly widening and I wondered if she was finally seeing that I was no longer as pale.

That my eyes were back to their chocolate brown.

That I was actually breathing out of need.

But I was too busy with my own waring thoughts. Both Kira and Alex were saying that I was this creature of the night and a child of the moon while Carlisle himself disproved it._ Are we really taking the vampire's word over the actual werewolves?_ My mind spoke up. I shook away the thought, unable to help it. I've always been trusting of their words. It was hard to see any of them as being wrong especially at the thought of such a monster. My mind went back to the beast at the other Cullen home.

I heard Renesmee take in sudden quick breaths unlike her others. I looked down coming out my thoughts.

"Maybe we should go inside" I looked up at Emily who touched her own belly while looking at both me and Renesmee. I nodded to Emily's offer while taking quick glances at Alex as Emily turned back to the house. The sad expression in his eyes was so sudden and quick, I would have missed it. He looked at me and playfully winked.

"See somethin' ya like?" I heard Jake's growl as my own cheeks heated up in a blush. Alex's head went back in a loud laugh before he grinned at us both. I quickly followed after Emily just in case Alex decided to tease me again and also to escape. I could hear the footsteps of the two men behind me as we went inside.

Emily had already put pillows on the couch and took out a blanket. My eyes went to around the house as I laid Renesmee down.

"Emily, can you call Sue?" I wasn't sure if Sue could help my daughter or not. If Renesmee was a wolf, I would feel a bit better. The nurse had been around the wolves for a long time, I couldn't see Sue not wanting to learn more so that she could help them more. I thought back to the newborn battle, they may have even been more motivation. Would the wolves truly want to lean on a vampire? _Why not? You thought they could be besties?_ I growled at the inner thought then blushed seeing the eyes on me.

"I'm sorry Bella, I should have asked before just doing it"

I blinked, noticing that Emily had moved behind Alex and quickly shook my head. "No, I'm sorry Emily. I wasn't..." I took a deep breath. "It wasn't at you, I promise" I watched her nod but she took her time to move from Alex to the kitchen.

"Are you guys hungry? I made some fresh muffins "she smiled although one half of her face didn't move at all.

"Regular susie homemaker, ain't she?" Alex snagged a muffin and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth.

"You have no idea." Jake laughed looking wistful a moment with a distant smile on his face while taking a few of the giant muffins for himself. I had a feeling he was thinking back to before Renesmee. Before I had chosen Edward.

"Is Sue on the way now?" I had taken a couple of muffins, taking a bite while sitting down. I took a look around the house. It still hadn't lost its homey feel, with flowers decorating the place inside and out. The couch and sofas were close together with a small coffee table, a few shelves littered with pictures, and from the kitchen I could smell food cooking that made my mouth water. The worn fabric of the couch only added to the charm.

"She's just now leaving your dad's." She smiled as she watched us eat the muffins. I knew the feeling of pride of someone enjoying your food. I had spent most my time cooking for Jacob and Renesmee just to keep that feeling. I understood Esmee even more during that time, trying to hold on to the feeling of family and the sense of it. Then I realized what she just said and I ended up spitting out chunks of muffin in surprise.

"My dad?!" I blinked. "Why was she there?" I looked more confused as Emily covered her mouth laughing a bit.

"I think they're a thing to be honest" Emily seemed to brighten more at the news. "It's nice seeing people who love each other get together."

I was still staring. My dad with Sue. My dad was moving on from Renee? It seemed insane and hard to even believe. I thought back to when I first got to the house to live with him. My room was still the same, portraits still the same from before, nothing in the house seemed to have changed and I was sure that my dad was still clinging to my mother. Now I hear he might actually be dating?

"Are you sure?" I still found it hard to believe but then it was Jake looking at me.

"They were already getting close before you left, remember?" he looked at me pointedly as I thought through my mind. Memories of my dad weren't what I was looking for. There weren't as many and the ones I thought of the most were of me being glad at his lack of pushing me.

"I...I don't." I frowned and heard Jake sigh a bit. I felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it in comfort before I almost shrugged it off. I didn't deserve comfort. I became more lost in memories as I became more disappointed in myself as a daughter.

"Well you're here now." I looked at Emily's smile and just nodded though I didn't believe in the words too much.

"Tryin' to replace Leah since ya can't with Kim or the other one Em?"

"Don' .Alex." Emily bit out each word as she glared at Alex who sent his own right back at her. Jake and I were both looking between the two.

"Don't start?" Alex snorted. "I'm probably the only one around with the balls to say what you need to hear. "

"And what would that be?!"

"That you need to let that man go!" he yelled with his palm hitting the coffee table hard as he split it in two. His claws were out and Jacob had moved in a defensive position but my eyes left Jake to stare at Emily who had went still.

"What is he talking about Emily?" I said slowly. The plate of the muffins was overturned on the floor. I didn't move between them, not worried about Alex attacking mainly on the feeling that I was sure he wouldn't.

"I…I rather talk about something else…" Emily started to leave as I saw Alex just shake his head, rubbing his arm before he relaxed. I started to get up to clean up the mess that was made before Alex moved.

"I got it, can't let a pretty girl clean my mess." he winked again, earning a new growl from Jake and I shook my head blushing. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" he glanced to the kitchen after he was done with his mess.

"Just ...one minute you're mad and the other you're...just..." I tried to find the words.

"A jerk with no boundaries?" Jake mumbled as I gave him a glare, but only got a grin from him which made me roll my eyes.

"Just be glad she has a shield." Alex looked at Jake a long moment.

"A shield?" I asked Alex, wondering how he knew about my shield.

"You're a really weird werewolf." he laughed. "Yeah your shield, all us werewolves have them. You know, keeps the supernatural shit out. Would you believe that the shit's so potent it works even with a tiny bit of werewolf blood in ya?" He looked in the direction where Emily went in thought while I started trying to process what was just said.

_It keeps the supernatural out…._

I thought of the vampires that I came across who complained about not being able to use their ability on me but mostly I thought of Edward. I thought of how he always wished to see in my head. I started to breathe faster, feeling dizzy. Is that why I was okay with this world. Was I already unknowingly part of it? I tried to catch my breath, barely registering the rubbing on my back and words telling me to breathe in and out.

"_Breathe Bells..."_

I focused on the voice while breathing in and out. The blurry faces were now over me, as I blinked more to focus. I blinked again, noticing I was on my back instead of sitting up. I finally moved to sit up.

"Be careful, you gave us a scare." I looked at the concern on Emily's face while turning my eyes to Jake who was putting a cool cloth on my head. I watched his face, searching for the emotions there. His eyes met mine as he pulled away; pulling up a chair next to the couch I was now on.

I sat up more but soon I was looking around frantically. Where was Renesmee? She was on the couch I was now on and I could feel myself about to panic once again. My eyes searched around as Jake took my hand. "She's in the bedroom. Sue came and checked on her..." his thumb circled lightly over my hand before pulling away. I bit my lip at the rush of heat just that touch gave.

"Jake told me the deal. My bad, ain't knew you was...well it explains the half vamp. "I nodded to Alex who was rubbing the back of his neck while sighing. "You know I didn't mean…" he continued before I held up a hand.

"It's okay Alex" I gave him a reassuring smile but then I looked at Jake.

"Sue thinks it's just trauma, nothing's wrong with her far as she can see."

"So what do we do then?" I tried not to snap. "Where's Sue?" I moved to get up but Jake nudged me back down. "She's not here Bella."

"What do you mean she's not here?!"

"She couldn't exactly stay Bella." Emily tried to be gentle but when I looked at her, she averted her eyes. I looked at Jake "What's going on?!"

"I'm trying to get to that!" Jake snapped at me as he took his hand back.

"No! You're hiding stuff from me!" I yelled back, no longer aware of our audience. My mind turned to Edward and all the times he would hide things, thinking I was too weak or for my benefit.

"Or I could just be trying to ease it to you that your dad came with her!" He seethed but I was left reeling. "And he knows!"

"What…" my voice only came out in a whisper. He couldn't mean. No, he already knew about werewolves which would mean he knew…

No...no...no...My mind was screaming. He knew? He knew that I gave them up? He knew that I gave him up? He knew that I gave up living…

I stayed that way for a while, just holding myself with nobody saying anything. I had nearly screamed at them all, screamed how he was never supposed to know. That he was never supposed to find out about all this. I had pulled at my hair and grabbed the nearest pillow laying my face in it as I screamed.

There was a tense silence that clashed with the room's comfy feel, I had finally moved from the pillow, looking at everyone in the room. Jake was now leaning against a wall with his arms crossed. It was something that I noticed he also did a lot of at the Cullen house too. My mind I went back to a conversation we had that had turned more into a fight.

"_You could join us at the dinner table with Renesmee, you know? Instead of leaning on the wall watching us..." I crossed my arms as I kicked a wrench that was near his feet, since it as the only thing I could view with him under the car._

"_For?" he grunted._

"_Jake ...I just want things to be...easier. Like they used t-"_

"_Things will NEVER be like they used to be!" I could hear his tense breathing as he already started to yell. "And I'd rather not pretend like everything's cool!" _

"_No one's pretending anything!" I shouted back as he slid from under the car and was in my face in an instant._

"_YOU DO IT EVERYDAY!"_

I frowned inwardly at the memory. We had first moved from Forks and I mainly wished for the same thing that I always did, for me to lose no one and I could already feel that I was losing Jake. It didn't seem to make sense. Everyone had a place. Everyone had someone and I had everyone still with me even with my initial sacrifice to give up everything. But as time went on I kept missing more and more things and it became more about me pushing the feelings down and making my decision work. I frowned more at the realization. Then I frowned at the fact that my dad now knew. He knew I gave up everything.

"The truth always comes out…"

I looked at Jake, glaring without thinking. I was prepared to yell how it wasn't supposed to happen this way and how Charlie wasn't supposed to know. Then Jake looked at me and my glare died as soon as I saw the sad look in his eyes. He was sad for me.

"Who told?"

"Billy did." Emily interrupted. "Bella ...he was in tears about you. You hadn't called in ages. It had been so long since he'd seen you. He yelled...Billy yelled back. The fight was terrible. I think he was drunk and tired of not knowing." Emily started and I felt a large ache in my chest. "Then the truth came out...they haven't spoken since. Bella I'm so sor-"

"No." I took a deep breath and went to get up, making my way to the back to check on Renesmee. "It's my fault..." I continued on my way.

"Is it still all worth it…?"

I stood still, looking back at Jake still on the wall. His arms still crossed, no longer looking at me. But I stayed still and turned around as the answer slipped from my lips.

"No..."


End file.
